A few months ago my Mom came up with a great idea - we should get away for Thanksgiving 2019, as a family.
Like the true planner she is, it was orchestrated flawlessly. Everyone paid their deposit, which just so happened to be extremely affordable, and we were set to be in Washington, Indiana for four days.
We were all so excited to reconnect. We did the whole rent-a-cabin thing about 12 years ago after my Granny transitioned. We were all struggling with her absence and figured a trip together would be exactly what we needed.
I was 14 year old Little Lele at that time and a lot has changed since then...
Now I’m grown Lele. Meaning a cuss word might slip out every now and again, I like to drink coolers, and most importantly I have an opinion. So of course, I was excited to be around my family now as an adult! But on the lowest key a tad bit nervous. I was hella overthinking it like…
“Are they gonna accept the new me?”
“Will I be comfortable being grown around them? “ Especially since I’ve always been Little Lele.
“Is somebody gon say something if I bring some liquor?”
Welp, we were gonna find out! Cause next thing you know, it was Wednesday, November 27th and we were preparing to hit the road...
My Mom lives out of town, so the morning of our trip I picked her up from the airport and chauffeured her around to run some errands.
Now fact about me, I’m used to doing most stuff alone. I don’t have a roommate so I don’t really have to think about my moves having an affect on the next person.
But boy did that change when my Mom was riding in the car with me and Siri decided to play ASAP Ferg & Nicki Minaj’s Plain Jane. Never heard the song? Well just know they’re rapping about everything from sex, to drugs, and jewelry (like most songs out now days).
And in true My Momma fashion, she said something about it. Hit me with the “do you think that’s appropriate music to play with your mother in the car?” I was weak. Long story short, she decided to ride down with my Auntie Bunny and sister Jazzy instead.
Now before I go any deeper into the story let me say this: everybody in my family got a nickname! You got Ray Ray, Muscle, Lisa, JaJa, ZiZi, Lele, Dyl, Nina, ZoZo, LoLo, Bunny, Zee Bee, Bree and Q. (don’t you just love black families?)
So yeah, once I blew my Momma with the music, she decided to ride with my Auntie Bunny aka her sister. And my cousins Muscle and Ray Ray rode with me.
Muscle and Ray Ray are brothers and about 13-14 years older than me. I’m used to being their “little cousin” and not really engaging in much conversation because I felt like I “had to stay in a child’s place.” But now, in true “trying to remember I’m grown” fashion, I decided to talk to them and that’s when I received my first nugget of knowledge of our four day trip…
I wanted to pick my cousin Muscle’s brain about the head butting me and my Mom had been experiencing. And started off telling him what I tell everybody: “I went to school, got good grades, I’m not out here thotting and bopping and I don’t do heavy drugs - so why do my Momma be on that with me? She stay having something to say like I ain’t grown.”
Then Muscle, who is 14 years older (aka been through this before) was able to break it down to me like this…
“Lele your Mom knows your grown she’s just still adjusting to you actually being grown. Think about it, she’s been telling you what to do and taking care of you for the last 20 something years. So you can’t expect her to just stop voicing her opinion. I’m 40 years old and my Momma still be having something to say! But because she’s my Mother and I respect her, I've had to learn how to bite my tongue and just hit her with an ‘okay.” Does that mean I’m not about to live my life? No. But when I’m around her I just move in a more respectful way. So not coming in the house smelling like dope, not cussing around her, stuff like that. They’re our Moms and because they brought us in this world, took care of us, and literally gave us life, the least we can do is show some respect.”
Him breaking that down after years of being called “disrespectful” really put things into perspective for me. He helped me realize what it meant to actually respect your Mom, something I didn’t understand before...
Next thing you know, we’re in Washington, Indiana! I drove the whole four hours and baby was I tired! I wanted to prove to myself, and lowkey my family, that I could drive with the big dawgs! Especially since most of them had never even seen me behind the wheel before.
So we pull up and the house is beautiful! I’m talking tall ceilings, stainless steel appliances, big kitchen, multiple bathrooms, fancy showers, big yard!
We all loved it! There was everything we needed. Toilet paper, towels, dish washing liquid, games! There was even Netflix - free of charge!
After seeing the beautiful home and talking with my cousin I decided I didn’t even want to dwell on what happened earlier with my Mom. There’s no way someone could keep up a sour attitude in such a nice home surrounded by loving family. So I decided to get off that and enjoy the trip.
Night one we were all exhausted. So we quickly unpacked, watched a little TV and all went to bed.
The next day was Thursday aka Thanksgiving. There was no rush to get ready because dinner wasn’t until 3PM so me and my cousin Ray Ray decided to “go for a walk” (if you know, you know) and catch up.
I told him about what I went through in S/O To Food You the Realest. How the stressors of life after college was really getting to me during that time and messed up my appetite. Which resulted in lack of eating, losing weight, passing out and hair loss. He was shocked! I’m sure it’s because I can come off like I’m good and don’t need any help, but all that stuff I went through was REAL and it felt good talking to him about it...
He ended up telling me about some stuff he was going through too. From health to finances, hell, life! And it made me realize like damn, everybody really do be going through something. But this nugget of knowledge he gave me was even more special.
He reminded me that stress is a real thing. It can be frustrating, it can be challenging, but you can’t let it knock you off your square. You still gotta eat, you still gotta go to work, and you still gotta push through. He reminded me that the devil wants to confuse and frustrate us so we’re not acting like ourselves and missing blessings. But with the support of family we can stand together and endure.
Now that was one hell of a nugget! I had been so used to being alone and not asking for help… that I kind of forgot I had a big family who actually wants to help. My cousin Ray Ray reminded me of that and some. I’m glad we had our little wake and bake that morning, cause I literally got so much out of it.
Now it’s officially Thanksgiving! Everyone is up and dressed, we got the game on, and people are in the kitchen cooking! In my Pastor Shirley Caesar voice, we got “greens, beans, potatoes, tomatoes... you nameee it!”
Naw but foreal, we had so much food! And my Auntie even made my favorite: chitterlings! Or as I like to call em - chitlins. Yes, ya girl likes chitlins. Put some mustard on top and boyyyyyy! It’s a meal.
We prayed over the food, did some shout outs on Facebook Live (it was hilarious - we ALL got live personalities) and dug in.
So after I stuffed my face I remembered my Auntie Bunny, who is now the matriarch of the family, brought a bunch of photo albums for us to look through and reminisce...
There were pictures of my Granny and Grandpa BuBu… the two responsible for our family.
Pictures of my Uncle Earnest Sr. who was my Auntie Bunny’s husband and also Muscle, Ray Ray and Lisa’s dad…
There were pics of my mom as a kid. If i thought we looked a lot alike now we def did when she was younger…
And even pics of me and my sister as babies!
Looking at baby me was so crazy. Like I was just that little! It got me thinking about my future kids and how I want them to know their family and come on trips like this...
As I was sitting there reminiscing I was able to talk to my Auntie about being a Mom. This was important because I’m currently only taking care of me! And it ain’t always easy, let me tell you! So I couldn't imagine how it was for her, being a wife and mom in her early 20s.
We then talked about something that I just have to share. Especially with my readers who are currently renting. Five words: Stop making these landlords rich!
My Auntie broke it down like this: why keep pouring into someone else’s equity when you could be pouring into your own? She encouraged me to break the renting cycle and look into owning my own place.
My Auntie owns her house! So hearing that she believes I could own something too made me feel empowered. Cause she right! I don’t have to keep making these people rich! I’m responsible, I’m financially savvy. I can own my own too. Not to mention, my mortgage would be cheaper than my rent anyway.
Sounds crazy right?! Well I did the math and the numbers almost made me wanna smack my landlord!
Let’s take my apartment complex for example: 14 floors with 8 units per floor. And let’s just say every unit pays around $1,000 a month. So that’s 14 x 8 = 112 then multiplied by $1,000 = $121,000 A MONTH.
Then multiply that times 12 for the year. That’s 1,344,000.
Yall we are making these property owners RICH. They’re millionaires! Literally! But I can’t even get my packages from downstairs for free (my landlord charges us fifty cents per package - petty).
But up until I had this conversation with my Aunt, I was thinking this is what I was supposed to be doing. I was thinking like okay once my lease is up I’ll just sign another one somewhere else and unintentionally continue that “renter’s cycle.” But my Auntie Bunny was able to break it down and give me a huge nugget of knowledge. I ain't gotta rent NOTHING- I can own! At 26 years old! And now I’m on that, with a huge thanks to her (and my Mom who has mentioned this before - but like most children I didn’t listen. Sorry Ma).
Not sure if I said this already, but Auntie Bunny is the Mother of Muscle, Ray Ray and Lisa.
Now Lisa is my cousin and is about 10 years older than me. I didn't even realize it til recently, but I’ve clearly been watching Lisa very closely since I was a little girl...
She was the first person I knew to go to college, the first RA (resident assistant) I’ve ever known - which meant her college room and board was free, and the first person I know to get their Master’s degree.
So what did I do? I went to college, I became an RA and then I went and earned my Master’s Degree too. Because I was exposed to success at such an early age via my cousin Lisa, I was able to follow in her footsteps. And now Lisa has the best job of all… she’s a Mom.
And an excellent mom at that!
I caught myself watching her like I did as a child. She’s so patient with her children. There’s Zion who is twelve, Zoey and Dylan who are five year old twins and baby Logan aka LoLo who is one year old. Lisa is so attentive with them and really gives each their own special time.
So much that it’s passed down to her oldest child Zion too. He’s SO gentle with his sister and brothers. Really goes to show that patience has no age requirement...
To be honest, I used to feel like I only wanted one child, because I didn't think I’d be able to handle more than one. But with watching Lisa I see it’s possible.
She’s also a loving wife to her husband Sayheed. Now let me tell y'all bout him! He is an amazing father. Like I ain’t even know it was Dads out here like this. I was talking to him on the couch and was like “this may sound bad but other than my Grandpa and Uncle, I’ve never seen a man really stick around and be with his family.” Like that’s how great of a husband and father he is. He had me in awe! He was so attentive and patient! I didn’t hear him yell at any of them not one time...
Being able to watch Lisa and Sahyeed be a team was so refreshing in itself. It gives me hope! Like it makes me feel like I can be a good mom to multiple kids and that I can have a husband who sticks around and is there for the family. Again, it was refreshing to see. And shows that all nuggets of knowledge don't have to be verbally said.
Speaking of verbal, my Mom was dropping gems on me too. I’m glad we didn't let that song incident from earlier put a damper on our time together. Because I love my Momma and she’s honestly so intelligent.
I get my great writing skills, presentation skills, personality, style, and so much more from my Momma. If you follow me on social media I’m sure you’ve seen me post about bad customer service and needing to speak to the manager… I got that from my Momma! So when she dropped this healthcare nugget of knowledge on me I was shook…
Okay so my Mom has been in the healthcare industry for almost 30 years and it’s cool because she’s able to give advice on both sides. We were chatting about how blacks, especially black men kind of neglect going to the doctor. Because most times, we feel doctors always want to cut you open!
And its true! Doctors stay tryna get you to go the more “expensive” route which is usually some kind of surgery. Think of how many women you know who have had C-Sections instead of natural births. It’s a business and the doctors want to do what costs more. But having a mom who knows the ins and outs of the business makes all the difference.
She encouraged me that next time I go to the doctor I need “to ask the right questions.” Explore my options! She gave me this one scenario that really blew my mind and got me looking at all these hospitals like they some scammers...
She said:
“Once you turn 50 years old you have to get a colonoscopy every 5 years. Well a colonoscopy can run you 50K for the surgery. But there’s also an option (that most people don’t know about) where you can get a package sent to your house, follow the simple instructions, send it back to your doctor, and get the same results you would’ve gotten with that fifty thousand dollar surgery.”
INSANE! I was instantly, “So you telling me they will charge you 50K and not even mention the card?” And she was “yup” that's why you have to always ask the right questions and explore your options… closed mouths don't get fed.” (My Momma stay with a catchy phrase, that’s where I get it from).
But again, more nuggets of knowledge. Leading up to this trip I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to express how I felt, but to my surprise I needed to do more listening anyway…
On the morning of our last day, my sister Jazzy was downstairs cleaning up and packing the fridge. I decided to go down there and chat with her. We are three years apart and have always lived together. But now we’re both grown, and I think we sometimes still struggle with understanding that…
I kind of just always looked at her as my sister, but to be honest she’s got three years of experience on me and if I took the time to just listen instead of cutting her off with a “girl I’m grown” I could maybe learn something... So when I went downstairs I did just that.
We chatted about a bunch of things then work came up. I told her how I was up for a raise and naturally she asked me if I had a number in mind. I mentioned the story Closed Mouths Don’t Get Fed and explained how HR said my numbers were very realistic. It was a good chat but then my sister dropped a financial nugget of knowledge on me.
She told me I should ask for more.
She encouraged me to ask for a range of money, because whose to say I could get more? So like if I’m aiming for a 12% raise ask for a 12-16% - just because. If I get the 12% great! If I get more than 12 even better.
And guess what I’m boutta do when I have my review in 2 weeks? Just that! Cause like she said, I could get more than I even imagined. So I’m happy I went down there to talk with my sister. See what happens when you listen? Makes me want to do it more often...
So as the final hours dwindled down, we all started packing up the cars and preparing to leave. We had color coordinated outfits (white tops and blue bottoms) and posed for family photos.
We smiled, we laughed, and got tons of pictures to add to our collection (and Facebook). The entire trip was honestly such a good time! We played Uno for hours, and even Scattergories. We watched movies. Had group talks, individual talks. And I even led a group activity where everyone had to go around and update the family on a proud moment they recently had. This gave us a chance to congratulate, praise, and let one another know how proud we were of their successes.
It was such a well needed trip. We all enjoyed it so much that we’re planning to do it very year…
And it was such a great reminder of how important family is. You can have your boyfriend/girlfriend, besties, colleagues, whoever! But it’s nothing like family. The support is unmatched, the unconditional love is there, and the bond is just different. And this Thanksgiving 2019 trip proved just that!
I hope this story of my family reuniting after years has inspired you to reconnect with yours. People go through stuff and no family is perfect, but the reality is… nobody truly wins when the family feuds.
Til the next time,
