I’ve received a DM or two in my day.
Whether it’s from someone trying to put me on…
Or someone trying to get put on…
In my eyes, a DM is just a way of chit chatting with someone. Nothing more, nothing less.
But it hasn’t always been like this! I remember a few years back when DMing someone was considered a “ballsy” move. So you’d just like their pic from 57 weeks ago instead. But thanks to cool features like Instagram Stories you can DM anyone, anytime, anywhere.
Take me for example, I DM celebs all the time. From Queen Bey to Trigga Trey I be on it! I even find myself DMing people I don’t know or have never met (cause I’ve met Beyonce and Trey Songz before?)
If I’ve watched your IG story and have something to say about it, best believe I’m in your DM. I be “ooh girl I like yo hair!” And “okay Zaddy I see you!” Just being my regular, Jalyssa self. Because the reality is, DMing isn’t a romanticized thing anymore… its simply a means of communication.
So when I decided to sign up for a dating app then convinced myself less than 24 hours later not to, I was shocked! Because what’s the difference between a dating app and social media anyway? Technically by responding to people’s stories I’m sliding into DMs. Both are used to chat, one is just more upfront about what the chats may lead to. So why was I being such a word that rhymes with wussy? Well ima break it down to you like this. But first, here’s an update on my love life….
I ain’t got one.
People don’t really ask to take me out. The closest I’ve gotten was “I was thinking we could grab some wine and cook at your place.”
Yeah, shocked me too.
Cause one, I don’t know you like that to be coming in my house all willy nilly! And two, I’m a lady! In my Shanaynay voice. And three, how you just gon invite yourself over? I don’t know you like that!
So although having company sounds cool, I’d rather grab my own $10.99 bottle of Stella Rose Wine and not have to worry about anyone coming over and sitting on my freshly washed sheets with their outside clothes.
In conclusion, I’m good.
But again, I don’t mind DMing. DMing is less of an obligation, it’s more chill, more relaxed. When you give someone your actual number it gives them wayyyy more access to you.
They can text you, they can call you, they can text AND call you. They can even Facetime you. And for someone like me, who heavily enjoys their space, that’s just a little too invasive for me. So DMing it is.
But, if I have no problem with DMing why am I so not into dating apps? They basically do the same thing. I’ve never joined one, but I know people who have and it damn near sounds just like Instagram.
Take Tinder for example, from what I know, there are pics of attractive people and if you like what you see you swipe left for yes and right for no (I may have the swiping wrong but I’m not on Tinder so just go with it). Then naturally, you two start a conversation. Sounds super similar to Instagram, right? If you follow someone you find attractive, you like their pic and eventually one of you slide in the other’s DM.
It’s not that big of a deal and all the kids are doing it these days. (Sidenote whenever I hear that phrase I can’t help but say to myself “if everyone was jumping off a bridge would you do it too?!”)
Take my coworker for example, she was a 26 year old single woman, who was somewhat looking to mingle. Now 6 months later, she’s a taken 26 year old woman who is now planning to move in with her boyfriend. He’s met her parents, they’ve spent the holidays together, and yup they met on a dating app.
So again, WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL?! I’m screaming this to myself by the way. Cause as I’m typing this I still haven’t downloaded not one dating app. I’m not necessarily scared, because what’s there to be scared of? Not like I’m going to put my address on there, or invite a random to come over and chill our first night of DMing. We’ll just be talking, literally…
But in true @Jalyssa_DoubleU fashion, I decided to ask my followers their opinion and got a variety of responses...
Some people thought the apps were a safety issue…
Which I can understand! With all the sex trafficking going on, it’s a terrible time to be exchanging information with complete strangers.
Some people were into it though! And even had success stories…
Some, like me, were intrigued by the idea…
And some were simply not here for it…
After getting all those responses I decided to ask someone who wouldn't be able to respond because I blocked them on Instagram…
My Mother.
My mother has been hinting at me to “get back out there” for months now. She knows my heartbreak from last year sucked, but now that I’m no longer Triggered (Jhene Aiko voice) and that situation is None of My Concern anymore (Jhene Aiko voice) I guess you can say I’m ready to slightly get back out there too (emphasis on slightly).
I also talked with My mom about a DM I got in response to the poll. It read…
"Is the type of person you’re looking for the type that would be on a dating app?”
That question (which was so good, btw) got my overthinking wheels spinning! So much that I instantly responded with a “No. He wouldn't. He would be somewhere working on his craft - not on an app looking for love.”
And I meant what I said! But, if I’m being honest, it’s so easy to look at someone on a dating app and judge them. Look what I did! My response to that DM was literally “he would be somewhere working on his craft - not looking for love” which insinuates that if you're on a dating app you don't have a craft you’re dedicated to.
Which isn’t true! It’s an assumption. Cause I have a few things I’m dedicated to, but in my down time I may want to chat with a cutie.
AKA it ain’t that deep.
My Mom gave me another simple but realistic scenario that got me to thinking...
She was like “Say you meet someone at the gym. Just because you meet them there doesn’t mean they don’t have anything going on outside of the gym.”
And of course, she was right. The gym, social media, dating apps, what bar someone goes to, all these things, plus more, are just ONE small percentage of someone’s life. They can have a million and one things going on and still be on an app.
Plus it’s not like I’m looking to become someone's wifey. We can just text. Or like, go have a non-alcoholic drink in a public place with big windows and visible exit signs.
And if I’m not feeling it I can just delete the app! So I say all that to say, I think I’m going to do it! I’m going to sign up for my first dating app. See what’s really good in the hood!
I’m thinking I’m going to try Hinge or maybe Bumble? I was going to do Soul Swipe (hilarious name, btw) but I didn’t see it in the app store. Or maybe even Black People Meet.
Whichever I decide, I’ll be sure to tell yall how it goes! I don’t plan on letting none of these randoms know about the blog (I don't want them keeping tabs on me if things don't work out) so I’ll be able to tell yall all the tea!
I’m not expecting a relationship out of this, just someone to DM when I have time, ain’t sleep, or just wanna make sure my phone is still working (since its always dry).
So here’s to online dating *toasts imaginary champagne glass* I hope you’re good to me! And if not, I can always meet somebody at Aldi (I love Aldi).
Til Next Time,