In honor of reaching 100 email subscribers (which is so cool, btw. Thanks y’all!) I decided to play a game with you called 2 Truths & That’s A Damn Lie!
This game, like any other time you play it, is for me to tell you guys and gals a little more about myself (without it having to be a full length story - just mini stories instead). All I ask is that while we’re virtually playing, you decide on an answer and reveal which ones you got right/wrong and which ones completely shocked you in the comments below.
Now some of these are truths, some of these are lies, but they are all about me!
There will also be three rounds. First up…
Round One (I’ll take it easy on ya):
Which 2 are true and which one is a damn lie?
I failed a class in high school
I want to name my future puppy Pablo Escobar
I worked for a construction company before
Drum roll please! *taps feet like Issa drum roll* 🥁
What’s true? Yes, ya girl failed a class in high school. Several to be exact. And guess what subjects they were? MATH.
When I say I’m “bad in math” I be dead ass! So a little backstory, I went to a selective-enrollment, college prep high school by the name of Lindblom Math & Science Academy (#swoop). If you went to LMSA you were either good in math, good in science or good at everything (a very select few were good at everything). We had languages like Chinese and Arabic (I took Arabic, almost failed that too), a block schedule aka long ass classes and high expectations. In conclusion my high school was hard AF. Everyone was smart, so the curriculum was extra hard and the teachers wasn’t no dummies!
My first year of high school I got a D (as in damn) in algebra. To be honest, I deserved an F but I cried to the professor who was also my home room teacher and she passed me with a D.
After that I though shidddd, all I gotta do is cry to pass these classes? Well let me get my tears ready!
*record scratch*
That shit didn’t work. I failed my next three years of math: geometry, trigonometry and whatever the last ometry was. I was shocked! How these people just gon fail ME?! But they did and I had to do any and everything to get those credits back. I attended summer school at Phillips High School, Saturday school at Tilden High School, and I had an online class that a girl from school “helped me with.”
In conclusion, math was hard and I failed some classes. But that clearly didn’t dictate my future cause ya girl is 2 degrees hotter now *inserts flame emoji* so if you’re struggling with a class or struggling to finish school please don’t let it make you feel less than. Classes are meant to be passed and failed, so if you fail a few it’s okay, just means your story is a little cooler than everyone else’s. It gives you character! Pizzazz!
Okay so let’s cross that one off…
Round One:
I failed a class in high school
I want to name my future puppy Pablo Escobar
I worked for a construction company before
What else is true? *taps on table like a drum roll* 🥁
Before I became a marketing extraordinaire ya girl indeed worked at a construction company. Here’s how that happened...
So I graduated from Illinois State University with my masters in May 2017 (see, I told you them failed classes didn’t matter) and ya girl was looking for a J-O-B. I had been applying for 6 months and nothing. Not a one interview and not a one “let’s give her a try.” These people weren’t thinking bout me! I was a prime example of “been in school all my life with no real job experience.” Yes, true. But the fact that they disregarded my 4.0 GPA and multiple internships is still wild to me, but I digress.
Eventually I became desperate and was just applying anywhere. I applied to sell health coverage to old people (didn’t get it) and I almost got conned into selling knives for Vector Marketing (if you know, you know). Eventually a friend of mine told me about a position to be a personal assistant for the president of a construction company. Now this had absolutely nothing to do with my degrees but ya girl had a car note and wanted a new weave so I was ahh fuck it. Let’s see what happens.
Fast forward, and after interviewing 26 people ya girl got the job (yes my last boss interviewed 26 people but felt #27 aka me was the best fit). Being a personal assistant was cool. I’ll def say it humbled me. I thought I was going to come out of school with offers out the ass, so to go from that fantasy to having to grab someone’s lunch and type meeting notes was... interesting. But I needed to be humbled, everyone does eventually.
And now that I think about it, it wasn’t a terrible gig at all. I had a salary paying job, free food and an easy commute. But the one thing I actually loved about this job was how new the company was. GMA Construction Group had just hit its 3rd year anniversary when I got there and they were still developing their marketing department. Aka there was no marketing department. So since I wanted a job in the field I used this opportunity to gain experience. I was able to create a social media strategy they still use to this day, I learned how to do email marketing by convincing my boss we needed it (practice makes perfect) and I was able to help design their current website. In conclusion, I may not have been a carpenter or a building superintendent in the construction world, but ya girl was a personal assistant/ marketing manager and I did the damn thang! S/O to my GMA Fam, they’re def invited to my wedding.
Round One:
I failed a class in high school
I want to name my future puppy Pablo Escobar
I worked for a construction company before
Which means the “I want to name my future puppy Pablo Escobar” is a lie, actually Issa DAMN LIE. If you know anything about me, you know I can’t do the smells and I can’t do the hyperness. I likes to chill. Dogs be doing TOO much.
Also, you should’ve know this was a lie because if you follow me on IG you know I used to have a kitten. After my cat of 20 years passed away (RIP Lucky) I made an impulsive decision (like the true Aries I am) and got a kitten. She was cute but hyper as hell. I named her Lucy (her real name was Grizabella) and hunty, she was a hand full!
This is a whole story in itself, but just know I got rid of her after 12 days (the cut off to get your money back was 14 so you know I was onnat!) Why did i get rid of my precious child? Too much to tell but here are some videos and pics as to why she had to go...
Yeah, she was wild as hell. But okay, now on to round two!
Which 2 are true and which one is a damn lie?
I learned to drive at age 24
I won the spelling bee in 2nd grade
I pee’d in the bed until I was 9
Alright, all together now! *stomps on floor like a drum roll* 🥁
First truth? Ya girl def didn’t learn how to drive until I was 24! AKA two years ago.
I was content with not knowing how to drive because my Mom and sister took my everywhere in high school and in undergrad everything was in walking distance or there was always a shuttle.
And yes, I took drivers ed in high school but I failed. And just for clarification, I failed the TEST not the class. Don’t do me!
But when I got to grad school things changed. There wasn’t a shuttle like at EIU plus I was new and didn’t know many people. So Uber it was and Uber was high! It would cost me like $20-$25 to get to and from Walmart. I was over it, cause that money could’ve went to more food, tf! (I’m mad?)
So my second year of grad school, it was February 2017 to be exact, I decided I would get my drivers license and get me a car.
I found a driving school in the area and paid $150 for three sessions. My first session the man was very... confused. He felt like I could drive and literally asked “why are you taking these classes?” Well to answer his question and the one you’re probably thinking, I took the class because I didn’t have much experience behind the wheel. Why didn’t I have much experience behind the wheel? Because I had anxiety like a muthafucka.
I’ve gotten in a good 3 car accidents, the first one happened on my birthday eve in 4th grade and ever since then I had a fear of driving. I had a habit of holding on tight to the door handle thing and I never had the courage or guts to ever learn to drive. PTSD is real and ya girl wasn’t going! But them Uber’s and my refusal to ask for a ride was kicking my ass. I had to do something! So I decided to learn to drive.
In November 2016 I got my permit (yes my old ass didn’t even have a permit) February 17th I got my drivers license and February 23rd I was driving off the lot with my car! And yup, I did this all by myself! This was a HUGE achievement for me! And showed me I can literally do anything I set my mind to, I just gotta stop being a big baby and do it. S/O to G-O-D cause this is all super rare so I know it had to be Him.
Okay so out of the remaining two, which one is true and which is a damn lie?
I learned to drive at age 24
I won the spelling bee in 2nd grade
I pee’d in the bed until I was 9
All together now! *bangs on on table like a drum roll* 🥁
The truth is I pee’d in the bed til I was nine. I used to think Freddy Kruger was under my bed (yes I know he’s a dream monster - leave me alone) and I would be scared to run to the bathroom so I’d just pee right there. Butttt, even though I would pee I always made sure to clean out my princess panties in the sink (like the true clean freak I am). However, I did stop at age 9. Well except that one slip up I had in 6th grade but technically I stopped at 9.
Which means me “winning the spelling bee in 2nd grade” was a damn lie! Like math, I’m not the best speller. I can sound some shit out, but most of my stuff (especially these stories) are spelled right because of auto-correct. I struggle with words like receive, receipt, recipe, etc. and yeah I know the phrase you’re thinking “E goes before I except when” blah blah blah or whatever y’all be saying! But that don’t work for me. I still be confused!
See how defensive I just got? Well at the second grade spelling bee I participated in it was way worst. After I got disqualified for spelling whatever word that was wrong I cried so hard and so loud my mom had to escort me out. Those heartless judges, they know they could’ve gave me a pass! I think what hurt the most was I had studied so hard and envisioned myself winning the large trophy. So for that fantasy to get snatched from me in the 2nd round really hurt. Little did I know I would face a lot more of reality trumping fantasies in my lifetime…
Okay, this is the last round! And because I love y’all ima make it easy.
Which 2 are true and which one is a damn lie?
Even though I cut off all my hair, I kept my weaves and wigs
I used to have a cleaning business
I used to talk to medicine bottles
Okay, one time for the fun time! *stomps on floor like a drum* 🥁
The truth? Ya girl definitely used to have a cleaning business AND a nail business if I’m being technical. One thing about me, I don’t mind working. I enjoy getting up and having a purpose for the day. I can’t stay off work for too long I start getting bored.
So at the age of hmm I wanna say I was 7 or 8, I started a nail business and a cleaning business. The nail business was called Le’s Nails and I can’t remember my cleaning business’ name but I know I made flyers using Microsoft Word and put them in our neighbor’s mailboxes.
I would do the nails of my family members: simple top coat or a file and clip down. They appreciated the entrepreneur in me and always paid me more than I charged (I remember when my Auntie Toni paid me $20 for a top coat, I felt rich af!) I took it seriously too! I had a whole set full of nail drills, tons of colors and I even had a foot spa. This Le’s Nails was legit!
As far as my cleaning business prospects I only had one. My Auntie Bunny, who lived across the street from us. She let me clean her house for $20 but pointed out that I forgot to take the garbage out. After that I decided I didn’t like people giving me feedback or taking out garbage that wasn’t mine. So I ended that business shortly. In conclusion, ya girl BEEN an entrepreneur in these streets.
Next truth? *bangs on table doing the Dipset beat* 🥁
Even though I cut off all my hair, I kept my weaves and wigs.
I used to have a cleaning business.
I used to talk to medicine bottles
I most definitely, 100% used to talk to medicine bottles. And am I proud of it? *screams* HELL YEAH!
I’m the youngest of two, and although me and my sister are close in age we weren’t always in school together. So before I enrolled I would stay home with my Granny. We would watch everything from her stories, to Judge Judy and she’d even let me watch my fave show: Big Comfy Couch. After she’d fall asleep I would make my way into the bathroom and talk to the characters I created.
There were 4 medicine bottles and a red candle that were my cast. They had all kinds of stuff going on in their house and I orchestrated it all! From the daughter getting sassy to the mom and dad having issues and needing to talk. I don’t know where I got these concepts from, probably all the TV I was watching, but this was my thing and I had fun! I legit called them “my medicine friends” and when I would disappear from my Mom or Granny’s presence they would know I was most likely upstairs talking to my friends.
Damn, I miss being a kid! But now instead of talking to medicine bottles I talk to y’all, so I guess that’s an even trade.
Even though I cut off all my hair, I kept my weaves and wigs.
I used to have a cleaning business.
I used to talk to medicine bottles
So yes, the damn lie is that I did not keep all my weaves and wigs after cutting off my hair. Just like a dead relationship, it’s best to let that shit go.
In conclusion, thanks for playing my 2 truths and that’s a damn lie! Was there something in particular that shocked you? Which answers did you get right? Wrong? Did we have something in common? You used to talk to medicine bottles too?! Let me know in the comments! And most importantly, thank you for signing up for my emails. If you haven’t yet but are interested, click here, scroll down and insert your information. I promise not to flood your inbox!
Best,
Jalyssa