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For this story, I want you to put on your thinking caps, or rather, your thinking glasses, and envision the following:
Me, Jalyssa DoubleU, standing at 5 feet and 4 inches tall, juggling.
No, not balls, but plates. Expensive China to be exact (Hermes). And each plate weighs differently.
We got the heaviest plate, called the ‘career’
There’s the plate called ‘my future’
We have the ‘side hustle’ plate
The ‘friends & family’ plate
My ‘spirituality’ plate
Can’t forget my ‘mental’ plate
And lastly, there’s the ‘physical’ plate
Ya following me?
Now each plate is essential to this idea I like to call, ‘having it all.’
And what’s ‘all"?’ Well I wouldn’t call it the American Dream, because I’m not the biggest fan of the scamming US of A, but it is the concept of being able to have and do it all:
Having the successful career, the beautiful home in the burbs, the fat bank account, while married to the love of my life, 1 maybe 2 kids (if I can take the pain), the quality time with God, the therapist who’s on speed dial, the body that’s snatched, and the supportive family and friends.
Sounds lovely right? Maybe even ideal.
But guess what else it sounds like?
Hard.
Cause if we take those rose colored glasses off and put on our bifocals… that’s a lot!
A career in itself, is not a walk in the park. Whether it’s the politics of corporate America or the full time responsibility of being an entrepreneur, there’s a lot that goes into that.
Then say you’re in a committed relationship. Whether male or female, you have to put in work to sustain it. You have to spend the quality time, you have to be patient, you have to uncomfortable those conversations.
And let’s hope he or she ain’t got no wandering eye! Then what if your partner already has kids? You have to learn to manage those relationships too (and hope he or she ain’t secretly messing with the kids mom or dad on the low).
Then speaking of kids, who really trying to push some babies out? And what’s crazy is, while they are inside you, that’s actually the easiest time of all, because once they’re out? No sleep, gotta spend hella bread, their priorities trump your priorities, your body is changing, their body is changing. It’s a lot.
But what about your friends? And your family? Gotta pour into those relationships too. No, not just because you want babysitting options, but because you love your people and quality time is important. But those relationships aren’t necessarily walks in the park either, you gotta be there to support them and their dreams as well, gotta sometimes babysit they kids (or dogs), gotta go to their birthday dinners and call every now and again to see how life’s treating them.
Then we can’t forget the Lord! The person who is responsible for all the blessings you have in this life anyway. Can’t get everything your heart has ever desired then push Him to the side. It don’t work like that.
So with all those responsibilities, all those ‘plates’ I decided a couple of years ago, that, maybe I don’t need it all…
Maybe kids aren’t in the cards for me. They sound like a huge responsibility, not to mention I can’t stomach birthing scenes in movies or TV shows, I ALWAYS cover my eyes.
And maybe I could sacrifice having a loving partner too. Underneath this tough Aries skin, is a true certified lover girl. Who likes to kiss, and cuddle, and hold hands with her partner. A softie who would wear her heart on her sleeve if it didn’t get stomped on once or twice in the past.
But because of that oh-so-brutal stomping, a loving partner ain’t necessarily gotta happen. Or at least that’s what I’ve convinced myself. Because although it can be beautiful, with the wrong partner it can be difficult. Hell, even with the right partner it can be challenging. Those long nights of uncomfortable conversations, the “if I was single I wouldn’t have to do this” sacrifices. It can be a lot.
So for the longest I’d convince myself I’d just be the kidless Auntie instead. The one who has a lot of money because she’s prioritized her career over love, and who has a little boo who comes and services her 2-3 times a month when she need a quick fix.
That way, I’d still have my career, which equals a lot of money, which equals maybe not a house in the burbs (because it’s gon just be me) but instead a loft with a great view, a snatched body because I ain’t popped out no kids, still have my therapist on speed dial (to help me cope with a life with no romance), still close with God, and readily available to family and friends because I’d have no family of my own.
It could all be so simple, in a perfect world.
But sometimes I feel like I have to choose between a simple life and a fulfilled life.
Simple life: no love, no kids, just me and my money. My family, friends, the Lord, and career.
Fulfilled life: My career, my partner, my kids (maybe), my family, friends, my mental health, my spiritual health, vacationing, heck maybe even a dog??? (Lucy may you rest in peace).
But that’s a lot of plates to juggle. A lot of fine China I’m not trying to drop. A lot of heaviness, a lot of speed, a lot of responsibility…
So I could just ditch some plates, stick to the ones I know, or can assume, won’t hurt me. The ones that I know I’d have the most control over. The ones that would lead to a lot of money and a little love. The ones that, if dropped, or snatched from me, won’t hurt as bad.
I don’t know. At this point I’m talking in circles. And I actually want to apologize because this may be one of my most unorganized stories yet. Like, I want to ask if you’re following, but I also don’t want to ask if you’re following, because you very well may not be following.
But long story short, I just feel like my thoughts are changing.
And a part of me feels like I could have it all… with some good time management.
Like even now, my current life, I’m juggling my 9-5, my 9-11 (aka the side hustle), my blog, my TikTok, talking with my family and close friends every week, speaking with my therapist every week, talking to the Lord every day, going to the gym, having some me-time, being in bed by 10:30PM.
And I see how I’m doing a good job of managing those plates, I see how intentional I’ve been with managing my time.
Maybe, I could just keep doing that? And if a new plate slides in, whether it’s a love plate or a new opportunity plate, instead of freaking out like “omg I have another plate what am I going to do?!” I can be confident in the fact that I’ve been juggling all of these other plates for so long, that adding in another won’t knock me off my square. And remember that each plate, although is a responsibility, has benefits too.
My close family and friends' relationship plate is a responsibility, yes. But I love having it in my possession.
I couldn’t imagine a life without talking to my Auntie multiple times a week.
Or not having those quality moments with London, where our phones are nowhere to be found and we’re just so engulfed in safe, transparent conversations.
I enjoy being able to get out and spend time with Cookie and her dog Azu, whether it’s wig shopping or just chilling in her shed.
These are plates I don’t want to let go of.
Going to the gym is a responsibility in itself. I want to take care of my body, and to be the healthiest I can be. I don’t want to look up at age 40 and be like, what happened? Not to mention, I give these people $10 a month, so there’s a financial side to it as well.
(Sidenote, I’ve been in the gym for months now and it’s giving snatchedddd! Got that covid weight up off me!)
So, that plate has to stay as well.
Then we have my career and side hustle plates, which are both a huge responsibility but come with a huge reward: money.
I love being able to work somewhat hard (yes, I’m at that point in my career where I’m doing less and getting more and it’s lovely).
I love being able to get paid, knock out some debt, and fund my lifestyle. Finally being able to breathe when it comes to my funds is something I don’t take for granted, especially since this time last year that was not the case. So yeah, that plate? Ain’t going nowhere.
And with that money plate, I’m able to fund my therapist, who has been such a blessing in my life. And I don’t want her going nowhere either!
Then there’s the blog, my baby! And TikTok which is my newest baby! These kids aka plates, may not add to me financially (yet) but I enjoy them both so much.
I can be vulnerable and passionate, and I’m running the show! I’m the writer, the editor, the camera-woman, the sound girl! And I love it. Whether it brings me money or not right now, it’s something about these plates that I couldn’t fathom letting go.
Then there’s the most important plate of all, the Jesus plate.
This plate is the reason why I have the other plates. It’s the reason I’m able to manage my time so well, and the reason I have these opportunities in the first place.
The Jesus plate gives me favor when I don’t deserve it, it gives me energy when I’m exhausted. It gives me what to say when I’m on these work calls, it gives me these creative ideas when I’m writing or recording, it helps me pay my bills, it gives me peace of mind and safety. Guidance, love, hope… and so much more. So yeah, I need this plate more than anything.
So in conclusion, I don’t really want any of these plates to go anywhere. And although I could convince myself that 1-2 can really go, if I’m being honest, I don’t want them to.
I’d rather just try and juggle them all, opposed to self-sabotaging before I even attempt to.
Also, let’s not forget, I’m not trying to be the world’s fastest juggler. I’m not trying to be in the Guiness World Book of Records for spinning Hermes plates.
I’m just trying to keep these here plates from falling. Even if I’m juggling 2 miles per hour, I just don’t want to drop them.
But however, if life gets to life’ing, and one plate begins to slip, I have to be confident in knowing that I’ll be okay, and maybe that plate served it’s purpose and now it’s time to reevaluate. But I just can’t not even attempt to juggle all my plates because I ‘feel’ like it’s going to be too much. That don’t even sound like me.
I am confident.
I am driven.
I have faith.
And I’m from Chicago.
So I’ll be fine.
And I hope if you find yourself managing a lot of plates right now, that you know you’ll be fine too. Tap into your time management bag, tap into your faith bag, and know that to much is given much is required. And that you got this, and I do too.
Til next time, peace.
Jalyssa