So I want you to think about what you were doing this time last year. The things you promised yourself, the goals you said you’d achieve…
September 12, 2018 was 365 days ago. Have you grown since then? Mentally? Emotionally? Well for me, I’ve grown somewhat. But there are definitely some areas where I’m still stuck in my ways. I want to grow, I’m just hella comfortable. But instead of beating myself up (I have a bad habit of doing this) I decided to break it down into four parts. So here we go.
I’ll start with the good.
Part 1:
Last year around this time my stress levels were so high that I never had an appetite. If you haven't read S/O to Food You The Realest, I don’t want to spoil it for you, butttt I’m bout to spoil it for you (and I oop).
Basically I had been stressed for months. And when I’m stressed I don't eat. But of course I needed to eat, so I would get lit first (you what kinda lit I’m talking about!) and then somehow a cycle manifested:
Jalyssa can’t eat
Jalyssa has to get lit to eat
Jalyssa eventually felt like she couldn't do anything without being lit
Etc. etc.
I wanted to stop stressing, get my weight back and be able to eat without a substance first. But it was hard and I was comfortable. This went on for monthssssss. And I was getting annoyed with my damn self! Not only did I want my regular life back, I wanted my money back too! Them 3.5 was adding up and I did not have the extra money to keep supporting this unhealthy habit.
So after I got sick and tired of being sick and tired, I finally decided to do the unthinkable...
I decided to change.
Not tryna be funny but I used to feel like a straight up cluck. I would be fiending for the dope. Food tasted nasty without it and I thought I needed it to do anyyyyyy thing! But little by little, baby step by baby step, I was able to change my mindset and ultimately grow into the person I am today.
If you follow me on IG then you know ya girl don’t miss a meal! I wake up thinking about what I’m about to eat. And guess what? I be sober! Something I struggled with 365 days ago is now a thing of the past, simply because I got sick and tired of being sick and tired.
But again, it was HARD. Anytime you want to change a habit or your lifestyle it can be a struggle. Habits are comfortable, they’re easy. We’re used to them! But change and growth are new.
I said it once and I’ll say it again, one you get sick and tired of being sick and tired you’ll make a change. Foreal foreal!
During my moments of struggle I had to be consistent, disciplined and endure through the tough moments. Eating without getting lit first was sooooo hard for me, everything tasted nasty! I could never finish my food and I just didn't want to eat. But I wanted to get myself together even more.
So I did what I had to do: I forced myself to eat, I forced myself to be consistent and have 3 meals a day and I forced myself to be disciplined and not get lit prior to. And thankfully, it worked! Took some time, but it worked.
This my personal success story and I wanted to mention it for two reasons:
One, to show that I am not perfect. It’s easy to assume because I post silly stuff on Instagram and have a “good” job that my life is all together. No. I struggle like everybody else: I was a lowkey cluck for the dope, I be PMSing and doing the most, I’ll go from feeling rich AF to having $4 in my bank account and I got childhood trauma. Yes, it’s true.
But the second reason I wanted to share this was to remind myself and you that we can change and ultimately grow. 365 days ago I was sick and tired of being sick and tired! And with the help of those 3 principles (consistency, discipline, and endurance) I was able to get AND keep myself together.
Now before we move on to an area that I still struggle with (actually, there are several areas - but we just gon talk about one), I want you to take a second and reflect...
What’s one area you’ve grown in?
Finances?
Confidence?
Mentality?
Spirituality?
Socially?
Your Profession?
Now let’s be more specific:
What are some things you said you would do and actually did?
Work out consistently?
Reach out to friends more?
Get a new job? Promotion?
Start a side hustle?
Take more mental health days?
Take care of yourself more?
Go to church?
Save money?
Enroll in school?
I ask this because it’s important to think about areas you have grown in before focusing on what still needs work… Because the reality is, you have grown! Nine times out of ten, you’ve done some pretty amazing things these last 365 days you just lowkey forgot. But ya girl is here to remind you how poppin you really are! And how you can take those same principles and apply them to a new area and see growth.
Plus, remembering this is a confidence boost and a reminder that you are a man/woman of your word. (See, I told you you was poppin!)
Part 2:
Now on to an area that I haven't really grown too much in….
*dramatic pause*
My emotions.
If I’m being honest, I been a real bitter ass bitch for the last 365 days. My ex and I broke up last summer and I’m still writing woe-is-me ass stories like Breaking Up is Hard…Part 2.
Now granted, I am proud of myself for actually expressing how I feel. That’s why I started JalyssaDoubleU.com, to get my emotions out...
But let’s be clear, there's a big difference between being expressive and being bitter.
And I’ve been bitter. Like, bitter-bitter. Don’t believe me? Look at my tweets or IG posts from 6 months ago. Everything was “n*ggas ain’t shit! I can't stand yall! Every man is a cheater! You a cheater, ya daddy a cheater and ya paw paw was prolly a cheater too!”
Yeah, I was mad. And I may not be as bitter but to be honest, I still lowkey am.
Being bitter has kept me from meeting or even entertaining new guys. Did you read It’s Not a Date It’s an Experience? Remember that man I went on a date with? Cut his ass clean off! Terrible, I know. But its cause I was still bitter about men. After one date I decided I didn't trust him and it was time to go ghost.
That man ain't do nothing to me! He even still hit me up after weeks of me being dry and avoiding him on the the street.
But my refusal to change kept me stuck, bitter and set in my “men ain’t shit” ways.
And now that I’m reflecting... I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired! I been a bitter Betty for 365 days and it hasn't helped me not one bit. If anything, it’s stifling my growth.
One day I do want to be a loving and supportive wife. But if every other word out my mouth is “men aint shit” all im doing is slowing down the process and becoming more and more bitter by the day.
Long story short: Its been time for a change and its time to grow.
Part 3:
So now what? I’ve realized that I haven't grown much in this area, I have the will and want to do better, but I just don't know where to start.
How does someone who’s been bitter for 365 days (and counting) finally move forward?
Well just like my previous “can’t eat without the dope” example, it will take time. But I can get better by changing little by little, baby step by baby step.
When I wanted to stop relying on getting lit before eating I had to be consistent. I had to endure and push past those nasty meals and I had to be disciplined with my decision. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired!
Well now, I can use those same principles to grow in this area too…Cause I’m sick and tired of being bitter.
Plus, it ain’t cute. Don't nobody wanna hear somebody always talking about men not being shit. I mean, even if they aint, I don't want that to be my go-to when I think of love. I don't want to be bitter.
And if we’re being fair, it’s not fair to generalize all men. All men aren’t “not shit.” My ex wasn’t even “not shit.” We were just young and moving too fast. So I’m going to let one situation that happened when I was in my early 20s dictate how I envision love? Hell naw! That’s like riding a bike once, falling and saying you’re never getting back on. It’s not that deep, sis. It ain’t.
But okay, back to you. Let’s reflect:
What is an area you told yourself 365 days ago you’d improve but you haven’t yet?
Are you still promising to lose weight?
Still promising to get back in school?
Still saying you want more friends but refusing to go out and meet people?
Still walking around bitter as hell like me?
I’m not asking you this so you can beat yourself up. I’m asking you this so you can be real with yourself. These last 365 days flew. It is already September 2019. And if you didn’t do what you said you would, it’s time we reevaluate some things. Think of it as just going back to the drawing board, you know?
And lastly, part 4:
Now let’s back track and think about that area you have grown in. Remember how consistent you were? How you endured? Your discipline? And look, now you can honestly say it paid off.
What I’m trying to say is this: you can use those same principles to grow in what you're struggling with right now. It is a mind thing, not an ability thing. Because you’ve done it before and you can do it again.
Now fill in this blank…
365 days ago I struggled with ________ but since then I have grown in that area. I’ve been consistent, I endured, I was disciplined and I am confident that I can do it again.
Now fill in this one…
It's been 365 days and I still struggle with _____ but I know if I’m consistent, have some endurance and discipline myself I can grow again.
See! You got it! You just manifested it and now it’s time to do it. Use your personal success story as fuel to grow in any area you struggle with.
Remember how you did it before and KNOW you can do it again!
I hope this concept and breakdown was easy to understand and helped you see that you CAN change. If you don't remember anything else from this story remember that blank you filled in above:
365 days ago I struggled with ________ but since then I have grown in that area. I’ve been consistent, I endured, I was disciplined and I am confident I can do it again.
Can’t wait to hear how you’ve grown!
Til next time, Jalyssa ✌