Unless you’ve been living under a rock or deleted all of your social media, then you know our fave four: Maya, Joan, Lynn and Toni will be reuniting again on a special episode of black-ish. And just like other fans of the show, I was elated to hear the news! I remember growing up watching their shenanigans... Everything from Lynn never having a consistent job and Joan’s men trouble, to Maya and her divorce and Toni calling Jabari everything but his real name. These moments, that bond, was something I longed for. I wanted girlfriends to last a lifetime and at the age of 26 I’m lucky enough to have some.
My girlfriends consist of sorority sisters turned friends, high school besties, college migos and along-the-way homegirls. I can definitely say I have a nice group of “girlfriends.”
We pour into each other’s cups, give advice and support each other. It’s refreshing, it’s simple, it’s needed.
But let’s be real, unlike the Girlfriends show, this isn’t TV and our lives consist of more than a 30 minute time slot on BET. Sometimes it’s hard to be a consistent girlfriend. Especially if you all are living different lives in different cities with different priorities. And annoying posts like “you make time for what you want” don’t make it any better. You may even find yourself questioning like damn, am I being a good girlfriend? Or even worse, are me and my friend still girlfriends? (Yes, it’s a difference).
But have no fear, fellow girlfriend Jalyssa is here! With four tips on how to revive any girlfriend relationship you feel has gone astray. I wanted to write this because the reality is… it happens. People’s lives change constantly and this may lead to not talking as much, but like the catchy theme song says we’re GIRLFRIENDS “there through ANYTHING” and that includes life’s changes. So here are 4 things you can do to revamp a relationship with a girlfriend.
Check-ins
We’ve all done it, say you’re gonna hit your girlfriend up but end up forgetting and doing something else. Next thing you know it’s been weeks since you guys have talked...
Let me be the first to tell you: IT’S OKAY, you’re def not alone. At this point in our lives we all have a lot going on... I have girlfriends who are in serious relationships, girlfriends with booming side businesses, girlfriends with babies! Girlfriends in school and girlfriends on a journey to self-discovery. Of course we’d love to chat all day every day, but not only is life busy but it’s demanding too. We all have a long list of responsibilities with only 24 hours in the day. So my suggestion? Like the good ol Instagram post says “when a friend crosses your mind, send them a text to let them know you’re thinking about them.” And it’s true! I believe things really do happen for a reason and you having that simple thought of your girlfriend may serve as a bigger purpose. Maybe your friend needs to vent and your text came right in time. Maybe your friend just got some great news and needs someone to share it with. A simple text can be the bridge to all that and some. Plus sometimes that’s all it takes, letting your friend know you’re thinking of them shows not only some effort but also that you care.
And after you check in (if your schedules allow) set up some quality time.
If we are real girlfriends and haven’t had a legit, intimate moment in months, there’s no way we can just be able to skip by that. A lot can change in a matter of months and we can’t pretend that time apart didn’t happen. The reality is this, none of us are who we were a year ago, 3 months ago, hell even 3 weeks ago. So reconnecting and acting like that distance didn’t happen is not only inorganic it’s weird. So plan some intimate time with your fellow girlfriend. Go grab dinner, meet up for drinks, invite them over. Whatever you do, make sure its an intimate enough setting where you guys can have some real time to talk and be vulnerable.
This meet up is not to bash her for going ghost but to simply reconnect and more forward (and it’s hard to do that in the middle of the club or a packed bar).
Speaking of bashing, I can’t stress this next point enough: compassion.
Let’s say you and your girlfriend haven’t talked in months and you’re “feeling a way.” Rightfully so, your once “talk every week” friend hasn’t reached out or has been dry for months. I get it! It can be annoying, disheartening and flat out not cool. But let’s take a step back and think about the actual person...
What was the last thing you know your girlfriend encountered? Did she lose a family member? Did her and her guy breakup? Was she having issues with her family? Is she adjusting to being a new wife or mom? Did she move? Get a new job? There are a plethora of things that people go through DAILY and stress is real as fuck. So again, I’m sure you may feel a way about your girlfriend being distance but what if you just gave her a pass? Everything doesn’t need to be an argument or cut off. I mean, long as she didn’t sleep with your man or cuss yo mama out don’t you think the bond deserves another chance? I mean, she is your whole ass friend and communication really is key in every relationship.
So let’s work on showing some compassion to your fellow sister. Who knows, that compassion could lead to her breakthrough, you could be the one to help her see the light in whatever she’s going through. But if you’re coming at her in a not-so-friendly manner, that could be another thing that stresses her out and keeps her distant.
So yes, catch up and have that intimate moment but do so with compassion and understanding. I recently talked with a friend I hadn’t spoken with in months. A few times she said “I’m such a terrible friend” and I had to stop her like aht aht! Don’t say that!
Because we weren’t into it, life was just moving fast. We both have hella responsibilities and we just hadn’t talked. There was no bad blood, just a lack of communication.
During our call we talked about the good, the bad and the uncomfortable things we’ve been experiencing while apart. We legit picked up right where we left off and now we’re planning to have a girls weekend.
This was able to happen because of our approach. We both went into it being compassionate. Like yeah, I haven’t talked to her in a while but there’s no need to be aggressive or defensive. Instead we went into it with a positive attitude and let the other know how much we missed them. In conclusion, presentation is important. And if you wanna keep your girlfriend you have to treat her like one. Even if y’all haven’t talked in a while.
And last but not least, probably my favorite of the four: accountability
Look the reality is this, the phone works both ways. And just like your girlfriend ain’t hit you up there may have been times where you ain’t hit her up either. Times when you hung out with the same friends consistently but didn’t make your way to kick it with this girl. It happens! We get so wrapped up in our routines that sometimes we don’t always include everyone in everything. But again, ITS OKAY. we’re only human and humans make mistakes. Nobody boutta beat yo ass for not texting your friend but you must realize your part in it too. You’re part of the reason why y’all relationship is like it is. But instead of beating yourself up use that energy to link up with your girlfriend. And if it’s been too long and things seem weird or forced, keep trying. At a point in time y’all were good friends. And you owe it to the relationship to try. We give guys chance and chance, we can do the same for a girlfriend!
Now if you keep trying and feel no effort on her end then cool it’s up to you to decide how you want to move forward. But she can never say you didn’t try to salvage the relationship. Accountability in any relationship is important. It’s not just all them, it’s you too sis. It’s you too.
In conclusion, adulting is hard. Relationships are hard. Maintaining girlfriends are hard. But you know what’s even harder? Looking back on friendships you cherished and knowing that if you would’ve put forth just a little more effort yall may still be friends. Now that a hard pill so swallow. So take a moment and text a girlfriend who you’ve been a little distant with. If it’s awkward send her a link to this story to break the ice. Do what you have to do to keep the friends you care about! Cause y’all are girlfriends! There through thick and thin! There for anything.
And while I’m here, here are a few throwbacks of me my girlfriends! From high school to college to my adult life I’ve met some pretty amazing, talented, smart and beautiful women. So of course I had to shout them out. Love you girls! And here’s to staying girlfriends *insert champagne emoji*
