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I don’t even know where to start. I’ve tried to write this story so many times but I either get too emotional, or too in my head. Asking myself questions like: “do I really want to tell these people all my business?” And “how much is too much?”
Questions like this have kept me from writing about the last few months. The last hard, emotional, exhausting months. But thankfully, I’m better now. And in an effort to live in my purpose of storytelling, I figured this one could not stay in the drafts. Some parts of this story may be dark and sad... But like every other story, I’m writing it for me. So here goes nothing…
Disclaimer: there’s lots to unpack here.
Rewind to Spring 2022, life was great! I had just gotten a new job and left my old dude. One thing about me, I will leave a man and I will leave a job (and it usually comes down to them forgetting how much of a blessing it is to have me on their team, and me forgetting my worth - but i digress).
But this job was exactly what I was looking for… so I thought. My previous job did not promote me like they said they would. They did not hire anyone else to help me (so I was still technically doing two roles). And my feelings were hurt. How could this job I poured so much of myself into do me dirty like that? Then to give me a sub-par review and barely any pay increase? To keep it plain, they had me messed up. But I had one for they ass! I found me a different job with the title I wanted them to give me: manager. Account manager to be exact. The company was an affiliate marketing agency, much different than what I had been doing (digital marketing) but I convinced myself that this was me just diversifying my portfolio. Especially considering how powerful affiliate marketing had become.
For those of you who are not familiar, affiliate marketing is when a brand pays a partner or influencer to promote their products or services. And as an account manager I’d be the middle man. I’d talk with the brands about their products and consult with influencers on their rates. After the back and forth an agreement would be made and the relationship would flourish.
Now granted, this was much different than my last job. At my last job I was doing all things digital marketing: creating campaigns, designing web pages, making marketing emails, talking with clients, presenting data, filming for the YouTube channel, and even recording for the podcast (along with other things not on my job description). But I loved that kind of stuff, and although stressful at times, I was willing to put in the work (I just wanted the effort to match the bag). So to go from all that creative stuff, to essentially managing deals between two parties was creatively underwhelming to say the least.
But this new job was giving me more money, and I had the title the last job was “supposed” to give me. Even if I was managing accounts instead of projects, at least I was a manager.
Three months into my new job, I decided I was going to move to Georgia. If you read the story Bye Chi, you know my thought process made sense. I worked from home anyway, had family already in the ATL, and I wanted to move out of Chicago like yesterday. Plus it felt right. I don’t have any kids, had left my man (foreal this time), and nothing was holding me back. So I told the job, they were cool with it, and I prepared to move.
My move was quick to say the least! I packed my fully furnished 2-bedroom apartment in 3 weeks, sold some furniture, almost got scammed by some movers (story for another time), and drove down to the A with my sister and cat.
I moved on a Saturday and was literally packing up until then, along with seeing family and a few friends in between. Now even though I was literally moving out of state I did not want to take any time off. I still felt very new and didn't want to ruffle any feathers. But in an effort to appear as if I had a healthy work life balance (even though I didn’t) I took one day off: Monday.
So to reiterate: I worked a full day, was still packing, and saw a couple people on Friday. Saturday morning we hit the road at 7AM. Made it to Georgia around 10PM. Sunday my furniture arrived with the movers, and Monday I spent trying to unpack, set my internet up, and attempted to get some sleep.
Then Tuesday morning I was back at work. Looking back, and even now writing this, I 100% should have taken some time off. At least a week! The human body needs time to rest, to recharge, to bounce back. But if you don’t feel worthy of rest, a nice recharge, and just time to sit down for a second you keep going and going and going.
Now ironically, the week before I moved I also found out I was getting 2 new accounts. Now the way my position was set up was you had 6 weeks of training, then you get your first account. Now my first account was running smooth, the client was easy to work with and she even had a cat so we bonded on that as well. Now technically I wasn’t supposed to get another account for a few weeks, but when two account managers left the company at the same time someone had to get what they’d be leaving behind. And that someone ended up being me.
As a new account manager, who was new to affiliate, and fresh out of training, going from 1 account to 3 was a lot. Looking back, I wish I would have spoken up for myself more. But again, I didn’t want to ruffle any feathers. Also, I’m not a big complainer anyway. So what did I do? The only thing I knew how to do: work hard. I found myself getting up early and going to bed later, to try and get as much work done as I could. But remember, I had just moved. So I was cutting into the sleep that I was already behind on. But anything for the job, right?
Well after a couple of days, all that cutting corners was starting to catch up with me. I wasn’t my happy-go-lucky self, because I was overwhelmed. I wasn’t energetic because I was barely eating. And I was super tired because my anxiety would keep me up all night.
And what does my anxiety look like? It’s not eating, low energy, barely talking, heaviness, sadness, and a spaced out Jalyssa. Basically the opposite of how I usually am.
Imagine being in a pool and the water is right at your nose. So technically you haven't drowned yet, but with every inhale you’re sucking up water… which is making you freak out, and is impacting your breathing. That was me, every night, for my first couple of weeks being in Georgia.
And when I say “couple” weeks, I mean just that. I had only been in my place for 2 weeks and I was regretting not taking off anytime in between moving. Maybe if I would have taken off, I wouldn't have gotten those 2 new accounts. Maybe if I would have taken off I would have not felt as anxious. Maybe if I would have taken off I would have been able to compartmentalize all of the new changes in my life.
But I didn’t take off, I didn’t get a chance to compartmentalize, and I didn’t get a chance to truly breathe. So instead I thought about doing the opposite.
I wasn’t smoking weed any more, and I’ve never been a big drinker (outside of college). But I needed to do something to keep myself from feeling so unlike Jalyssa. So I laid in bed as much as I could, it was comforting and warm, and the only thing I had energy to do.
When I was in a happier space, I’d spend a lot of time in the bath. If you follow me on Instagram, you know! I’d have my candles set up, music playing… such a vibe. I’d also spend that time talking to God. Having conversations about wanting to leave my ex, wanting to move from Chicago, and thanking Him for all the blessings He’s graciously given me.
But baths these days were not as pleasant. One bath in particular was so heavy. I sat in the tub of water full of disappointment, trying to understand how I went from feeling so full of life to wanting to end mine. How I went from so excited about this job, to feeling incompetent. How I went from being my happy go lucky self, to so down and out.
So I thought about what I could do to not think about it… what it’d be like to sleep forever, and not have to deal with any of this. Looking back, I can’t believe it had gotten that bad. The stressors of life had me wanting to end mine. My beautiful, potential-filled life. As I type this I’m in shock that I even had these thoughts, and even more shocked that I’m telling yall about em.
But the one silver lining however, is my ability to open up.
After such dark thoughts, I opened up to my Mom and Aunt about how I felt; how down I was, and how I just wanted to sleep. And like the true Christian women they are, they prayed for me. Prayed for my mind and asked God to wrap His arms around me.
I knew things were bad, but for them to have gotten that bad was scary. And I didn’t want to be in that place anymore. This job wasn’t worth the stress.
And although the job wasn’t worth the stress, it was becoming more and more stressful. I had just received a lengthy email from my boss saying everything wrong I did on my last client call, things like: you look “bored,” to “why did you keep putting your hand under your chin?” and “why didn’t you show your agenda? Even if the meeting was only 5 minutes, you always show your agenda.” Looking back, he was just trying to be a good manager… I guess. But he had no idea how much his feedback didn’t help. I was already feeling overwhelmed, incompetent, and just dumb. I went from having 1 account to getting my fifth in the next week, and I was still tired as hell from moving, and getting up early for work and staying online late.
But this was my job, and if you know anything about me, you know I don’t play about my job. My career! It’s something I’ve worked really hard for. I take pride in my work, and will do whatever it takes to get things done. But I was so tired. Mentally tired. And barely had anything to give. The anxiety I’d feel on Sunday nights, knowing I had work the next day was unbearable. The anxiety I’d feel before opening my computer was plain ol sad, and the amount of time it would take me to complete 1 task for my 4 almost 5 accounts was just pathetic.
But I couldn’t quit. Especially not with a job lined up.
But all of this was driving me crazy. I was falling behind, and more and more was being added to my plate. Not to mention, I had an assistant I was supposed to be mentoring. But I couldn’t pour into her cup when mine was literally empty. It was just all a mess, and even after telling my manager I needed more support I just couldn’t do it anymore. So I did the unthinkable…
I quit my damn job.
Yup, goody-two-shoes Jalyssa, always got a plan Jalyssa. Would never leave a job without one already lined up, Jalyssa, quit my damn job with nothing lined up.
But again, shout out to me for being vulnerable. I let them know exactly why I needed to leave, down to how nervous I felt opening my computer, to not feeling trained well enough, to being mentally fried. They understood, and even gave me 9 free therapy sessions with a mental health specialist of my choice (which I appreciated and 100% needed).
So yes, two weeks after paying $8K to move to Georgia I quit my job.
The relief felt good. To not have to worry about work, and to focus on myself and getting settled into my new place was exactly what I needed. I felt myself feeling lightweight again. I started back eating 3 meals a day, talking with family and friends, and I even started going on daily walks around my neighborhood.
Everyone assured me I would get a job in no time. I mean, ya girl does have two degrees, six years in the industry, and more certifications than I can count….
Man was I wrong.
Well, not necessarily. I did get offered a job two weeks after I quit mine. It was to do marketing for a sunglasses place like an hour away. It was a hybrid position, and the in-person interview went great (fact about me, I’m an excellent interviewer. I even won Miss Interview during the Miss Black EIU pageant back in college).
Everything was great until it came down to the pay. They were trying to pay your girl in gum. And even though some income was better than none, it just didn’t make sense for me to take that position. Especially considering my skill set. Plus, I was confident I’d get another job before rent was due again…
From August to November I spoke with 11 different companies and had 25 interviews (literally, I just counted). Out of those 11 companies, I got an offer from the Sunglasses place (that was paying in gum), another one lightly extended me the job, but said they were taking a pause on hiring because of an internal project. Another job said the same thing, and another job had me go on 6 interviews just no to not give it to me (with they weak ass).
Now mind you, I have real world experience! I have degrees! So to say this was humbling would be an understatement. Not to mention, I was just trying to get a job. So half of those positions weren’t even managerial ones, half were positions I had done before. But things just weren’t working out, things just weren’t sticking. Then it got to the point where I was willing to do ANYTHING. Cause bills were due and me not working didn’t stop no show.
That One Time I Went Door Dashing
Now disclaimer, I’ve door dashed before. I was living in Chicago up north, it was my first time living alone, and I wanted to make some extra money. I was working a good job in corporate America and although the money did what it needed to do, I could always use more. So I would door dash here and there when I felt like it.
Lots of people up north don't have cars (because the parking situation is brutal) so I could easily make $200 dashing for 3 hours over the weekend. I lowkey enjoyed it. Plus, I was able to discover some new restaurants in my area.
But door dashing cause you want to, and door dashing cause you have to are two totally different scenarios…
So as I stated, I quit my job but bills were still due. I was able to take out a small loan to hold me over but it could only do so much. So I decided to get out there and work (Kim Kardashian voice).
I remember it like it was yesterday. I headed out around 6PM, bought me a sturdy phone stand to stick to my car windshield, and was destined to stay out as long as I needed to to make a few extra dollars.
As soon as I turned on the app, I got my first order! It was for Sonic and I needed to get there, receive the food, and drop it off in the next 20 minutes.
And door dash made sure to remind you that the longer you take, the bigger impact it would have on your delivery score, which could then impact your status as a driver.
But the drivers can only control so much. The people at Sonic were moving slow, I wasn’t familiar with the area so I was driving like I was confused (cause I was), and they ain't give me no straws!
It was getting darker outside, I couldn’t find people’s houses, men were flirting, and one even tried to get me to come inside!
All that, for $18. Yes, I made $18 after door dashing for an hour and a half.
I wasn’t even mad though, if anything, I was in disbelief. But it was $18 more than I had, so I took it and went to Steak N’ Shake! Also, we’re not even gon get on my ”driver’s score” I went from a 98% from when I door dashed a few years ago, to a 67%. Them people was mad! They say girl you taking all day, getting lost, and the food cold!? Zero stars! This one lady was nice to me though, and gave me a $5 tip (so technically, I made $13 - shout out to that tip).
All in all, I gained way more respect and empathy for people who go out there and hustle. It is not for the weak…
Quick Recap - Are You Still Following Along?
So far, you’ve learned that I didn’t take any time off when I relocated to a different city, I became extremely overwhelmed with a job that paid good but didn’t have a lick of creativity. Quit said job, attempted to door dash, and had over 20 interviews.
At this point, it’s giving, “will things ever turn around?” Yes! They will. But first, more details on my finances.
For the last few years I have been an A.P.S. (automatic payment shawty), and was always confident the charge would go through. And I had a hefty list of self-care expenses I had to complete every month:
Hair - $200
Waxing - $180
Electrolysis - $200
Hello Fresh - $280
That’s almost $900 for things that aren’t completely necessary (sidenote I’m wild as hell for spending all that money HF). But it’s what I liked. Some people spend money on shoes, trips, or partying. While I choose self care.
Well after I stopped working, boy did things change!
I stopped getting electrolysis.
Waxing became an at home thing (I have a pot), my hair hasn’t been braided in months, and although I loved me some Hello Fresh, they got cut too.
A very humbling experience to say the least. But looking back, I didn’t really need those things. I enjoyed them, but didn’t need them. And now I see I can live without them. Granted I’m still boutta be getting waxed, but other than that, I’m good.
Now it was one thing to not have any money for hair and Hello Fresh, and another thing to not have money for literal living expenses.
Broke as a Joke!
Now if my self-care budget was $900 a month, you can only imagine how much my living expenses were. Now disclaimer: I do not like people in my pockets, so please don’t be trying to count how much money I make. Just know, God has blessed me. And when I was employed, I paid my tithes each and every paycheck.
But anywho! Since quitting, ya girl ain’t have no money, no bread, no coins!
Aside from that loan, and budgeting like a mf, I had no income. For the first month and a half I was able to manage. Some bills just didn’t get paid (like the electricity bill) and some I didn’t have a choice (like rent). But there was one bill in particular that had my anxiety going through the roof: my car note.
Again, I’m telling yall ALL my business. But this is a safe space, and I’m assuming if you’re here, you have no ill-intentions towards me. You’re not here to be nosey or pocket-watch. You’re here to read my stories and hopefully learn something from it… right? Okay. Wrong? No problem, I just ask that you leave now :)
But okay, boom. My car.
I got my car brand new during the pandemic, had zero miles, and still to this day barely got any (cause I been working from home). And this too, was another bill that was on autopay.
Well baby after I stopped working? That eventually became a bill that could not be paid. If it’s between my rent and my car? Well car people yall just gon have to wait. And they did! I didn’t pay my car note for two months and the anxiety of it all was starting to eat me up! So much that I just knew I was on the repo list.
For those of you unfamiliar, the repo list is when the finance company takes your car back because of missed payments. And they don’t send you a courtesy email or text, you just wake up and your car is gone! Scary! But it happens. No shade, but I remember watching Real Housewives of Atlanta and Sheree said that NeNe’s Range Rover got repo’d. Granted I ain’t got no Range, but if they could take NeNe car and she on TV, they sholl wouldn’t give a damn about taking mine!
Every day that went by and a payment had not been made I became increasingly more uneasy. Nervous when I looked out the window that my baby would be gone. The finance people called me every single day, literally. Sometimes I answered, sometimes I didn’t. I tried to make arrangements when I first stopped working but they didn’t budge. So I did what any smart person would do…
I hid my car. Cause I wasn’t going without a fight! This was my carrr, I’m the first owner, and it barely had any miles! So I started parking a ways away from my apartment, but close enough so I could see it from one of my windows.
Every morning I would run to the window to make sure it was still there, and thankfully it was. On days where I had to bring in groceries, and say I’d fall asleep before moving my car, I’d wake up in a panic just knowing it was gone! Anytime I heard a car door slam, I just knew it was the repo people coming to get me.
My anxiety was through the roof! And it was only about my car. I knew and had faith I’d get a job soon, I knew I’d be able to keep living in my place, and I knew God would work things out in my favor. But I did not know when and if the repo people were going to come and it was literally disturbing my peace.
One night in particular, I had fallen asleep without moving my car. It had been a little under 2 months, they hadn’t taken it yet, and I was like you know what? Tonight I should be fine, I am just going to leave it here. Well as I’m in bed, I see this pick-up truck with a long flatbed pull up and stop not too far from my building. It was like 10PM aka peak repo hours. The person turns on their hazards and gets out of their truck. At this point I throw on my hoodie and shoes, grab my keys, and fly downstairs. Cause yall ain’t bout to take my car without a fight! As I’m walking to my car, I see he’s literally standing by a white truck with a flashlight, like he was looking for the license plate or the VIN number. I’m Lord Jesus, it's the repo man! And he is looking for my car!
So I hop in my car (with the lights off, gotta keep it discrete) and keep my foot on the gas (in case I gotta skrt skrt on his ass). After a few minutes, he hops in his truck… and leaves.
Now although he’s gone, my anxiety was not. I was asking myself questions like, what if he circles back? What if he saw me, and is waiting for me to go back inside? What if I wake up and my car is gone?!
So to keep that from happening, I stayed in my car. Twenty minutes went by and next thing you know it had been an hour. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t have the money, I didn’t have a payment arrangement, but I did have God, so I prayed. Prayed that He’d give me direction on what I needed to do. Because this? Right here? Was too much. And was literally disturbing my peace.
Moments later, my Mom called.
Well Facetime’d to be exact. And she was very confused as to why I was sitting in my car, hoodie up, at 11PM. I explained to her what just happened with the man and the flash light, how anxious I felt, and how sad it was that I had to sit in my car to keep it from getting repo’d!
And in true Jeanine fashion, she began to plan. My Mom is an excellent planner, she’s smart and just knows her stuff! Not because she went to Harvard or John Hopskins but because she’s experienced life and has learned valuable lessons from it. So when she speaks, I listen.
She gave me a few options, a few scenarios, and after conversing back and forth I decided I was just going to trade in my car. It was no longer worth the hassle. Even though it was still in perfect condition, no dents, cracks, and barely any miles, I was willing to give it up if that meant I could peacefully sleep at night. This was only my second car in life, and even though it was a big upgrade from my first one, I was willing to make the trade for something cheaper.
I’ve always loved Toyotas, my first car was a Toyota, so I was looking at getting one of those again. I looked at Hondas too because I always heard those were great cars as well. And I wanted something older, like 2016 or 2017, because the older the car, the cheaper the note. Not my ideal situation, but I was willing to do it. Anything to get my peace back! Cause I refused to keep waking up out my sleep, thinking the repo man was outside, when really it was just somebody getting in their car leaving for work!
After advising the plan, my Mom urged me to go in the house and get some sleep. I love my Momma, she be knowing exactly how to talk me off the ledge.
So the next day I called a couple of used car lots to see what my options were...
I got my first car and current car going to the dealership alone. They say as a woman you should never do that, because salespeople will try and get over on you. But I’m Jalyssa T. Woodall, so I was straight.
I had made an appointment to go to CarMax that afternoon. It was currently 2:30PM and my appointment was at 4:30PM. I was already out, but it was too early to head that way so I just went home and laid down. As I was laying down I became more and more tired and didn’t feel like going. I attempted to push myself, but like my previous romantic relationships, if it feels forced you just shouldn't do it. So I texted my rep saying I needed a few days.
Moments later, my car’s finance company called again. I had been dodging them for weeks! Cause I ain’t have no money! But for whatever reason, I answered.
I explained (in a very matter of fact way) that life had been life’ing, but I had just gotten a new job (this wasn’t necessarily true but I was just speaking it in existence) and I would be able to pay soon but just not this month.
The representative explained how I had a perfect payment history so he would see what he could do. He then placed me on a brief hold and connected me with his supervisor…
I could tell she was black (raises fist) and was hoping she’d come through for your girl.
After a series of questions and me praying in my head, she let me know if I could pay November’s balance, I’d be good to go.
I’m wow! Look at God! No needing to trade in my car, no needing to stay in my car in case of a high-speed chase, and no repo man coming to take my girl.
Speaking of repo’ing, before we hung up I asked the lady if I was on the list to get my car taken. I know we had just worked out an arrangement, but I was curious….
And she was confused saying, “no ma’am, you’re technically not that behind. It’s only been 45 days since you’ve paid, you have to be between 60 and 90 days before we even think about doing that.”
I’m wow! Yall, not I was sitting in my car thinking that man in the truck was gon take it! Not I’m waking up out my sleep thinking my car gone! And not all this time I wasn’t even on the list! Just goes to show how the man downstairs (aka the devil) will really try and mess with your brain if you let him. Ol sneaky self.
But yeah, I was able to keep my car and I was so glad about it. And when I get some money I’m going to get her a car wash (it’s been a minute).
Then the Good News Kept on Coming!
I went from 0 job offers to 2 at the same time! Literally! My third choice presented me with an offer and I was so happy! They weren’t paying as much as I’d like, but a job was a job, and at this point I couldn’t be picky (speaking of not being picky, when I was deep in my job hunt I was applying for any and everything. I even applied to work at a pet cremation facility. Got an interview and everything. Omg, could you imagine?!)
But yeah, my third choice it was! It was a work from home position, and I’d literally done this exact job title two times before. So I was cool with doing it again…
But then God came through and did what He always does aka exceeds my expectations!
A few days after my third choice offered me the job, my first choice did too! Paying way more money, and was a much bigger opportunity. The job is all things creative, with a heavy emphasis on video (I love video, have you seen my TikTok?) The owners who interviewed me literally have Emmy’s! Yes, yall, Emmy’s! I saw a picture of them holding it and everything.
Other people on the team have worked with Netflix, one guy even filmed with MTV. It’s giving aligned! Meant to be! And a true miracle! Not I went from no job offers to two! Not I went from broke as a joke, to big bank Lisa! Not I went from down and out to options! God literally exceeded my expectations to the max.
So of course, I went with my first choice. And I start the Monday after Thanksgiving. I am so thankful, so happy, and so humbled. The things I’ve experienced these past few months have been life changing. The emotions, the prayers, the support, and my faith have seen me through. And I am so thankful! I was able to keep my car, keep my place, and get a new job doing all the marketing things I love. It’s a true Christmas miracle lol.
I Had a Praying Grandmother
I come from a small, faith-filled family. To this day, we get on a Zoom call every Sunday and thank God for the previous week and pray for the upcoming. We spend this time congregating and speaking life into one another. When I was feeling down about my job situation, my family prayed for me. When I was interviewing, my family prayed for me. When I didn’t have any way to pay my bills, my family supported me. We’re small, it’s like 9 of us, but mighty. Those prayers, and having a heavenly angel Grandmother, got me through this storm.
My Mom, God bless her heart, helped me more than anyone. As an adult, I rarely asked my Mom for money. Emphasis on rarely! If anything, she’d randomly send me some cause she knew I would never ask. But she literally supported me throughout this entire journey. Financially, professionally, and emotionally. I don’t want yall counting her pockets either (cause they deep) but just know, there was not one time I flicked on the light and it didn’t come on. That’s because of her! There wasn’t one time I needed food and couldn’t eat. That was cause of her! She knows her child, and knows when I get really quiet, I seem composed on the outside, but on the inside I’m nervous as hell. And it’s true. Because again, I had never been in this kind of bind before. Having to depend on someone else financially? Never! Having to hide my car?! Never! Having to ask for extensions on bills? Neverrrr. But without these occurrences, I wouldn’t have gotten to experience such support from my Mom. Support I truly needed and will forever value.
Mommy I know you’re reading this and for the 100th time I just want to say thank you. I know you have your own bills, your own expenses but you really looked out for me. I didn’t have to move or lose my car because of your help and guidance. I’m trying not to cry as I type this, but seriously, I’m just so thankful. You have been my rock through this and there’s no way I could ever fully explain how you have made me feel. I have no words. Just feelings. And I thank you Mommy, seriously.
I also want to thank my Aunt! She has been my prayer partner throughout this entire journey! Reminding me that this will be a “faith-walk” and that God will honor how faith-filled I had been.
You see, I always knew things would work out. I didn’t know how, but I just knew they would! And that’s the literal definition of faith, believing in things as though they were. So when I would get sad, or receive another email saying I didn’t get the interview, or another call from another company I owed, I would call my Aunt and she’d fill me up. She’d let me cry, she’d let me express myself, and she’d pray for me. She’d even share her own stories of when she was on a faith walk, and how God came through for her every time. It was helpful and gave me hope.
There was a point in time where I wasn’t even going to tell my story. I figured it’d be too long (even though this has been long), and I didn’t want to be so open about how bad things had gotten. But then I’d think of my Aunt telling me her stories and how it gave me so much hope. So I couldn’t not tell mine!
And aye since we doing shout outs! I want to shout out a few friends. This situation has shown me, I don’t have a lot of friends. Way more acquaintances if anything, but it’s okay. I’m more of a quality over quantity kind of girl anyway :)
First I want to shout out my sister, Jasmine! For pouring into my cup and reminding me how smart I am. She loves to remind me that I’m degree’d up and any job would be lucky to have me. She reminds me that I am “impressive already” and never have to do too much! Trueee. She gave me money, filled up my fridge, and would send me job opportunities. For this, and so much more, I'm thankful.
Shout out to my girl, London! Those times you came over were always right on time. Being able to talk and get my mind off of everything was exactly what I needed. When I quit my job, you were the first friend I called and you said “good for you! F*ck these people.” Lol! She even offered to hide my car at her crib if need be.
Next there’s my girl, Gabby! Technically a sorority sister, but our relationship supersedes that. To go from breaking up (lmao) to being the last person I saw in the Chi, to keeping our relationship afloat via 20 minute audio messages. I appreciate you Gabby and can’t wait for you to come visit. Hookah on me! Also I’ll never forget you surprising me with some money for Aldi. That was so sweet, and I ate good that night!
And lastly, my fake boyfriend Josh! Another supportive friend who did a great job of reminding me who I was! Me and Josh attended grad school together, so to hear him retell stories of us getting lit and going to the library. focusing on our craft, and literally putting in the work, reminded me of how far I’d come. And how I was simply too talented to go without a job for long. He was there listening and encouraging me the whole time.
The things my friends did and said may sound small, but it was exactly what I needed. And I’ll never forget how they supported me during such a trying time.
And now to the most supportive of them all…
Big G to the O to the D, big GOD! In my Glorilla voice!
We were close before, but this experience has taken our relationship to the next level. Those nights I couldn’t sleep, those dark thoughts while sitting in the tub, that comfort after a hard cry, I know I was able to get out of those moments because of You.
I can remember being so down when I had that job. Praying for direction and strength. But when I quit, I felt so much peace. And I know it was because of You. You had bigger things in store and needed me to trust that You’d get me to where I needed to be. On your timeline, not mine.
I can remember right before I got a rush of new interviews. I was so sad. Hadn’t showered in days, and was in bed for hours. I felt myself losing hope and didn’t know what to do. But God! God got me up out that bed and ironically had me start making TikToks. For months I couldn’t get in my account but during those pressing times I was miraculously able to get in. Looking back, I feel like God wanted to distract me from not working. And to give me another avenue to tell my stories.
I depended on God before, but this takes the cake!
I feel like God be waiting on us to stop trying to figure things out on our own. I envision Him looking down from heaven like “if only they’d just lean on me.” And once I did, it was life-changing. I still ain’t have no job, but interviews were lining up. I still aint have no income, but bills were getting paid. Because I stopped trying to figure it out on my own, and leaned on God.
There’s this song that says “if I didn’t have any problems, how would I know God could solve em?” And it’s trueeeee! If life was like it was before, everything on autopay, no bill collectors calling, cashing out on Hello Fresh, I probably wouldn’t have gotten this close to God. Instead of a Father/child relationship, we may have been more like distant cousins. Like, we cool! But only deal with each other on a need-to basis.
So even though times were hard, I don’t regret a thing. Because I was able to get much closer with my Heavenly father and He saw me through. He knew I’d be okay, and I am! He knew I needed to learn the value of my Mother and family’s support on a deeper level, and I have! He knew I needed to learn who my real friends were and who were just acquaintances, and I have! And He knew I needed the time off from working so when I start my new fancy job I’d be nice and refreshed, which I am!
If you’ve gotten this far in the story you a real one! Cause I know this was long, but like I mentioned earlier, there was lots to unpack here, and I want to thank you for following along. I hope this story gave you what you needed to hear, and you leave feeling a little more hopeful of whatever situation you may be going through…
Til next time,
Peace.
