I hate you, but I love you at the same time. This can apply to so many things: social media, high heels, men…
But first things first. Heyyyyy! It’s me, Jalyssa DoubleU. And it’s been forever and a day since I wrote a story. Part of it was me overthinking, part of it was me giving too much to my old job, and part of it was me thinking ‘who cares what you have to say, anyway?’
However, I’m back. And not necessarily on purpose. But because I accidentally locked myself out my damn Instagram.
Instagram has always been my favorite app. It’s like the Walmart of social media: any and every thing you want is available in one place.
Cause who needs Snapchat when there’s Instagram Stories?
Who needs Facebook when there’s IG Live?
And who needs Tik Tok when there are Reels?
Okay, now I know yall love yall some TikTok, so you may not agree with that one.
But what I’m saying is, it’s really convenient to have everything you want in one application.
So I’m sure you can understand how frustrated I was when I accidentally locked myself out of my favorite, go-to, all inclusive app.
And no, I wasn’t trying to turn $500 into $5,000.
No, the Forex people didn’t get me.
And no, I didn’t click a link.
It was simply me, being overly cautious about never wanting to get h*cked, that I accidentally added all this security and locked myself out.
If I’m posting this story then it means I’m back in (hopefully) cause I would hate to have to start a whole new account - I love my username :) DoubleU = W get it?
Now technically I locked myself out the morning of June, 20th. And the way I was acting, you would think I lost my damn puppy… or cat (shout out to Lucy).
So here’s how it happened:
I got a new phone like 2 weeks ago. Transferred all my apps over, pictures, music, etc. Things were going good! But then I noticed some apps instantly logged me back in (like Instagram) while others didn’t (like Snapchat).
I was surprised that there was such a variety but assumed most apps would just work like normal?
So I’m on the computer, and I wanted to login to Instagram from the browser. But every time I tried to login, I got an error message.
Now I knowwww I put my password in correctly, but I didn’t want to get logged out so I just reset it.
But then I forgot I had the 2-factor verification thing on. And with that I’d have to get a code from my Google Authentication app… aka one of the apps that did not instantly log me in on my new phone.
Long story short, I couldn’t get in.
So I did what every individual with internet does, I got to Google’ing:
How to remove 2-factor verification without app
How to login to Instagram without 2-factor verification
Restore Google Authentication accounts
So forth and so on.
I read discussion groups, watched some YouTube videos, and even called the Instagram support number (I couldn’t get through, btw. Do better yall).
So at that point, all I could do was… panic
But fact about me, I’m a silent panicker. You’d never know if I was flustered or uneasy because I keep it all inside. Still straight-faced, still poised, still Jalyssa.
But inside is chaos. I’m thinking the worst of the worst. My body is hot. My chest feels heavy. And sleep most likely wouldn’t be an option.
After worrying inside, I decided to pray aloud. Asking that God “replaces all of my anxiety with peace” (one of my fave go-to prayers) and that I could sleep.
That took my anxiety from 100% to 98%. I was thankful for the decline, but still wanted to talk to somebody about it.
To me, praying equals talking to God, but I wanted to talk to someone who would respond back in real-time.
I thought about calling my Mom, but she doesn’t really do Instagram. She’s more of a Facebook’er because, ya know, she’s old.
Lol. Not really, but you get what I’m saying.
So I ended up calling my friend who I know is a night owl. It was a little after 1AM and I figured he was up, and confirmed it by checking his location (I stay checking people’s location).
He answers and (I love you friend) but he was no help.
He’s a guy. Like a true guy, so emotions aren’t necessarily his thing. I was telling him how anxious and uneasy I felt about locking myself outta the gram, and he hit me with “you can only control what you can control.”
Now that part was actually helpful, cause it was true. But that was about it.
Talking to him was a nice distraction though. I got to telling him a story about this guy I gave my number to (in true detailed Jalyssa fashion).
I’m justa talking, telling him everything down to what I wore when I met the man. Whole time, he sleep! I get to calling his name and no response. So I just hang up, lol. I wasn’t mad though, he did have work in the morning, and like I said, his little phrase about control did help.
Anxiety meter: 65%
After saying some more prayers aka talking to Jesus, I drifted off to sleep holding my favorite teddy bear (her name is Lollipop - my Granny gave her to me).
As I’m drifting to sleep, I couldn’t help but think about the (lowkey) control this app has over me...
When I realized I was locked out, my body felt a rush of emotions: heaviness, regret, disbelief.
All because of this damn app.
And what do I really do on there anyway? Show my followers that I’m eating waffles and little burnt sausages for the upteenth time? Show pictures of my cat. Screenshots of every time I catch 11:11, 3:33, or 5:55 (which happens often).
Why was I so pressed about this app?
Well for one, Grownish was coming on next month. And if you follow me, you know I do The Grownish Aftershow. Which is essentially, me watching the latest episode, and hopping on live to give a recap and review of it.
After interviewing the star Yara Shahidi last summer, the number of people who would join the live (aka the Grownish Fam), had grown so much.
I remember when I first started, one maybe two people would join. But after that interview I was consistently in the two-digits.
And who knows, this summer it could have turned into three digits. And then I could get the attention of Freeform (the network behind Grownish) and get the opportunity of a lifetime!
I could move to LA, host the After Show on their platform, start a whole new life!
So the reality of me not having access to this app that gave me the ability to go live and talk to other Grownish fans… sucked.
It made me feel… weird. Anxious. Like, me being overly-careful about this 2-factor verification ish just ruined my chances of a new life.
May sound dramatic, because I could always get a new account right (even though I LOVE my username), but these are the inner thoughts of a soon-to-be retired overthinker, so just go with it.
So after my rabbit hole of thoughts about Grownish, I got to thinking ‘what’s the worst that could happen?’ I have to start a new page, try to get my dedicated 2K followers back, and just repost everything from my old one? I guess that’s not too bad. Not the end of the world…
But then I took it a little further. Literally asking myself:
What’s to this app anyway? Why do I feel like life won’t pan out how I imagined if I don’t have access to Instagram? Why did I think it would affect my sleep? Why did my body feel tense and heavy?
All this cause of a damn app?
I was starting to think this was a sign that I needed a break from it anyway. Cause really what do I be on there doing? Seriously.
Watching organizational reels (love those), reposting quotes, watching people’s stories…
Was a couple of weeks, months, or however long it would take me to get access to my account, that bad?
The more I type this, and the more I think about how not having Instagram has made me feel, the more I feel like I don’t need it.
It had become a crutch. I had become so used to tapping that magenta colored icon that I didn’t know what to do without it….
Off topic, but not really… I’ve always had this dream of disconnecting from the world of social media. I pictured myself living in a suburb, or even a rural area, where it’s quiet and peaceful.
I still have the internet, and Facetime, but I don’t concern myself with the likes, posts, or stories of others. It’s just me.
Ironically, I don’t even think of Lucy being there. Just me, in my little bubble, soaking up all the peace. Writing, eating healthy, taking care of myself, with no worries of the outside world.
That sounds so peaceful to me.
But somehow, social media has become such a huge part of our world. From Grandmas and Grandaddies on Facebook, to little kids who are obsessed with TikTok. How did these apps gain so much control over us? Myself included.
And how, or when, did I put more trust in an app to provide me with the life I want over God? The almighty.
It’s crazy to think about. And I may not have even thought about any of this if I didn’t lock myself out. I probably wouldn’t have even started blogging again if I didn’t lock myself out.
I had become so dependent on my stories, tagging Grownish, and DMs, that I thought that would lead me to success. And I’m not saying that it won’t, but the control it had over me was clear…
Plus we’ve seen it happen for so many people, the Cardi B’s and B. Simone’s of the world. Their successes started with this app. So many people get successful off these apps. And me not having one? And potentially never being able to get it back? How on Earth could I then be successful?
But it brings me back to my faint dream… or fantasy (I like that word better). Of me living in a rural area with no social media. Focusing on myself, writing, praying, doing what I love. It sounds so peaceful… but society makes it seem so unrealistic.
I deleted my Facebook a few weeks ago and my Mom was shocked! Like, Facebook? How could you delete facebook? But looking back, I loved having one less app. One less site to catch up on, one less icon to tap. Granted I was never a big Facebook’er anyway, but not having it felt good.
I wonder if I could ever get there with Instagram. An app I love, but hate at the same time. An app that’s unintentionally weighed so much in my life. An app that I give too much credit to.
This is the same app that will lift someone up one minute, but rip them to shreds the next. An app that started off so simple and pure, and now has the potential to be really evil.
An app that has connected me with people from Grownish! But also circulates videos of people getting killed, without warning, resulting in my anxiety being through the roof.
But who doesn’t have an Instagram? Who doesn’t share stories? Who doesn’t post pics?
———
Update: I got my Instagram back a week later (Monday, June 27th). I appreciate everyone who DM’d checking to make sure me and Lucy were good (yall some real ones). I guess that’s another positive of having an Instagram. You can connect with people all over the world, whether you’ve met in person or not, and really bond.
But okay, that’s my spiel. Now I want to hear what you think:
Do you ever take social media breaks?
Could you envision life without Instagram?
What’s an app you could truly do without? And why haven’t you deleted it yet?
Let me know in the comments.
Til next time :)