On days like this I wouldn’t mind sitting up chilling with a boo. It’s currently raining, a little heavier than a drizzle, and I’m indoors watching it fall. I planned on taking a stroll around the neighborhood to find the Mexican corn lady, but assumed she’s probably indoors (at least I hope she is).
And as I’m typing, I’m at my kitchen table. If you’ve ever been to my apartment or seen it on my Instagram story then you know I have a huge whiteboard in my kitchen. It’s where I get my thoughts out. I have lists in every corner, positive affirmations scattered throughout and a reminder of how long I’ve stopped eating beef (10 months) and pork (5 months).
But far on the right side, small yet distinct, there’s a list of my ideal mate. It’s crazy because I’ve never made a list like this. But after several failed relationships and situationships turned shit-shows, I figured writing down my wants in a man can’t hurt. Plus I 1000% believe in manifestation, so that helps too.
My list has a variety of surface level and not-so-surface level characteristics. There are things like: non-smoker, emotionally intelligent, broad shoulders and yup no kids.
But now I’m adding to that list and ultimately building my own boo. And why am I building a boo opposed to going out and finding one? Because I’m an extroverted-introvert. Meaning when I feel like being social, I can be social. And when I don’t, I don’t.
And right now, I don’t. I’m not really at the point where I’m sitting at bars in hopes of meeting someone. If you are, that’s cool! I love the determination. But for me, right now, I’d rather just make a list and wait for my future boo to fall out the sky.
Oh, then there’s dating apps. I’ve thought about joining one, The BLK-App to be exact (I recently saw an ad for it on Instagram - the feds must’ve read my mind) but never signed up. It’s less about the awkwardness and more about what the hell would we even talk about? Nothing against the apps, or the people that are on em, but it just seems a little inorganic to me. Maybe I’m judging, maybe I’ll join one next week, maybe we’ll see.
Anywho! So that leaves me here. In the house on a Saturday afternoon, enjoying the solitude but lowkey not minding if I were to get a text every now and again. A simple “hey how’s your day going?” would be nice or a random FT seeing if I wanted to hang would be cool too. But again, if you don’t leave the house, refuse to get set up, and won’t join a dating app, how the hell do you expect to meet someone new? So in the meantime, I’ll just keep adding to my list.
Now my list in the story It’s Not a Date It’s an Experience was lowkey hella petty. I mentioned things like can’t be too tall (true), can’t be a party promoter (still true) and can’t have kids (probably always gon be true) but this list on my whiteboard is more legit.
So I wanted to write a story about it. Maybe this will be just another form of manifestation, maybe someone will read it, feel they fit the description and DM me or maybe, just maybe, this story will fall in Trey Songz email and he’ll think I’m funny and wanna fly me out for the weekend. Either way, here it goes:
Item #1: Good With Your Hands
And I’m not necessarily talking about rubbing my private parts but more so knowing how to get shit done.
Fact about me, I put all my furniture together in my apartment. From my bed to my TV stand, and even my heavy ass thick ass kitchen table. I would consider myself to be very good with my hands, especially considering how small I am. And I’m pretty sure I got this trait from my Dad. He can work on cars, he can repair homes, he even built a trailer from scratch. So my boo, my build-a-boo gotta know how to do something!
I’m not saying you gotta build the 2019 version of Noah’s Arc but papi gotta have some kind of experience with his hands. Can you change a tire? Can you put together a shelf? If my car stops are you strong enough to push it to the side of the road? These things may all sound super simple, but the way some of these men were raised you gotta ask these kinds of questions. Between mama’s boys, pretty boys and “I don’t wanna crease my Js” mfs you gotta know upfront what you working with.
But, don’t get it twisted. I can put together my own shelf, I can call and get my own car towed and one day I am going to learn how to put on my own tire. But as a young lady who is trying to learn how to ask for help and depend on the men in my life more, I expect the man I’m entertaining to at least be able to do those simple things.
Item #2: A Little Street Cred
Now I’m not saying my build-a-boo gotta be head of the Vice Lords, Crips, Bloods or any of them other gangs I know nothing about. I’m just saying I’d like for him to be able to handle any situation I may or may not get us into.
Okay so I used to watch a lot of TV. And there would always be a scene where a girl and a guy are out at a club for example and the security guard like bumps the girl too hard or steps on her Versace shoes. Her guy, her knight in shining armor, usually comes over, 2 pieces the guy (aka knocks him out) and they go on about their business.
Granted, that’s TV. And I wouldn't want my build-a-boo getting in no trouble because bail be high! But I would like to feel safe and know that if some shit did go down, I’d be good.
And he don’t necessarily have to be the swollest of the swole, cause skinny guys be having them hands too! But I’d love for him to make me feel protected in a “don’t worry bae I got it” kind of way.
Item #3: A Craft He’s Dedicated To
So if you’re here, reading this, let me remind you, I love my blog! It’s my baby! I invest in it, I make time for it, it is my true passion project. Working on it doesn’t feel like a chore and if I could quit my job and do it all day every day I would (but ya girl got bills).
And I would love if my build-a-boo had something he was dedicated to as well. A craft, a hobby, something! Cause when I’m working on the blog, in my zone, I’m not boutta be answering the phone or texting you back all swiftly. I’m working. And if you have something to work on too, you wouldn’t feel neglected because you’d get the passion and sacrifice.
And I’m not saying he has to be a blogger. That would be cool, but can Zaddy have something going on? He could be into real estate, going to the gym, in school, a rapper, a photographer, hell a paper boy! Something other than working a 9-5.
Because that says a lot about someone’s character. People who have a hobby outside of work have some kind of discipline, at least decent time management skills, and drive. These things are attractive, these things take initiative. And I think that’s cute!
Item #4: Good Hygiene
Now this may seem like common sense to some people, but Ima say what my mama always says “common sense ain’t common.” So yes, I’d like my build-a-boo to have great hygiene. I would prefer if he showered everyday, moisturized and even sat in the bath in every so often.
It would be nice if he cared about his health and went to the doctor more than once every three years. And took time to replace his drawls and face towels.
Does he have a scent? I love a man with a nice scent. Nice cologne, clean finger nails and my absolute favorite: nice teeth. I love me a man with nice teeth! Somebody could not be that cute to the public but if he got nice teeth I’ll look twice for sure.
But no seriously, good hygiene says a lot about someone as well. It shows they pay attention to detail. He’s not just showering. He’s cleaning behind his ears, he’s cleaning in his ears. He owns Q-tips. He brushes his front and back teeth. He cares if he smells. These things are not only important but attractive and aligned. Because if he ain’t cleaning behind his ears he’s probably not eating a lot of vegetables and his semen probably tastes like salt and vinegar chips. In conclusion, I need a man with good hygiene.
Okay, two more then I’m done.
Item #5: Good Relationship With the Woman Who Raised Him
We’ve all heard the saying “if he treats his mom right, he’ll treat you right.” And I must admit, it’s true. How many guys do you know that frequently call women bitches and hoes (not including song lyrics) and have a great relationship with their mom? The two usually don't line up.
Because a Mom will show, or at least try and show, her son what it means to respect, love, and trust a woman. There’s something really attractive about a man who loves his mama! And I mean shows his love. He’ll call his mom, he’ll do house stuff for his mom (take out trash, clean gutters, mow lawn, etc) he’ll truly respect his mom.
Granted I’ve never seen any of this in person (only on TV) but it always looks nice and refreshing. And it reminds me that if a man has respect and love for his mom, he’ll at least have some respect and love for me.
That part is important. Because yes, none of us are perfect, but if a man respects you he won’t put his hands on you, he won’t be calling you all out your name or walking up on you like he boutta swing. His approach with you will be different.
Last but not least...
Item #6: Something in Common
Now before I became mature, 26 year old Jalyssa, I was naive early 20 somethings Jalyssa. I’ve fallen for the cute guy with a dry personality. The mysterious guy with hella swag. And the stuck-in-his ways college guy who has nothing going on besides his fraternity. And if we’re being honest-honest I only entertained them because they were cute. But nowadays, cute just ain't enough. We have to actually have something in common.
Because really, what are we going to talk about? If you’ve gotten this far in the story, I’m sure you can tell ya girl likes to talk! And not only can I talk, I can text! NOVELS.
If you’re dry or lack conversation, the old me would just assume you’re boring, wouldn’t text you back, and eventually stop putting in any effort. But the now mature me, views it as less of a “he’s dry” thing and more of a “maybe we just don’t have anything in common” thing?
And I’m not saying we have to have everything in common. Like, he doesn't have to be a blogger just like I don’t have to know the ins and outs of football, but having something in common adds to the chemistry.
Okay so side story. My ship Ashley (who I’m obsessed with) met this guy and they legit have so much in common. From crystals, to both being vegans to spirituality things. And its cool as hell because they actually have things to talk about.
I want that. I want to be able to vibe with someone and have organic conversations. I want to chat about more than just “how was your day” and “what you doing this weekend?” Real conversations not only add to the depth of a relationship but can also lead to getting the you-know-what wet.
It adds a layer of intimacy. Just imagine a relationship where you two haven't been physical yet but still feel just as close. Now that’s goals af! And it’s possible, I just gotta leave the house first.
In conclusion, dating can be a struggle right? We all want love, we all want a companion. But really, before we just go searching for love or searching for that companion, we should highly consider setting some standards. Knowing what we want and what we don’t want, beforehand. So take a few minutes and build you a boo. And before you know it, that build-a-boo may just come true.
Til Next Time,
@Jalyssa_DoubleU