I moved July 2018. And although it wasn’t in my plans, I’m happy things happened how they did. For the past year I was able to push past things that made me nervous, scared and resistant. Because really, I had no choice. It was time for me to be a full-on, responsible, logical, decision-making adult. And although not always easy, I learned so much during my first year of living alone. Let’s reflect….
A Whole Year of…Paying Rent (Prioritizing)
Not a complaint, but a moment of gratitude to be honest. I was able to be a responsible adult for a whole year. Making my way to the nearest currency exchange, getting a money order and dropping off my rent every first of the month. Saving receipts just in case any issues occurred, making rent the top of my priority list and using my free Monthly Budget Worksheet helped tremendously.
A Whole Year of…Peace (Safety)
I remember when I first decided to move I was so scared. To go from living with another human being to living alone can be a lot. And for me, safety was a big thing. I never lived in Chicago alone. It was scary to me. But so necessary. I had to learn that the city I was born and raised in may have it’s faults, but I am protected… and that God continues to have his angels around me.
The reality is, I be out late sometimes. And sometimes I park so far that it takes me a few minutes to get home. But, I’ve been good. I’ve been safe. And I’m thankful. I needed this. I needed to stop being so dependent on having another human around to feel safe. And now I see, I can be good. I don’t have a fancy alarm system and I don’t have another person laying with me at night. But I feel safe, something I thought I’d never feel while living alone.
A Whole Year of… Up North Parking (Patience)
I live in an area where parking is scarce. I’ve had parking spots that are blocks away and I’ve had parking spots right in front of my door. I’ve received tickets upon tickets (no more than 10 I don’t think) and I’ve driven around for 30 minutes looking for a park or hoping someone would come out and I could take theirs. But most importantly, I’ve learned patience.
Jalyssa before living alone had zero patience. Everything had to be planned accordingly and absolutely had to go my way. But I needed this. I needed to be humbled and know that hey, you’re honestly not running shit boo. There’s only so much we as humans can control. I had no control of how parking would be living on the North Side of Chicago. I had no control over when people would leave their homes so I could take their spot (these people never leave, btw - especially on Sundays) and I had no control over Chicago giving out all these tickets. But the things I did have control over, I handled. And I handled it well. I found those parks, paid those tickets and now I’m getting a spot in the parking lot!
Crazy, I wanted to be in this lot for so long but when I called a year ago it was astronomically high. Like high, high! I had just moved, no furniture, no nothing. Was a designated spot in the lot that serious? Now I can look back and say no. I’m happy I didn’t get a spot in the lot a year ago. I needed to learn this patience. I’m happy I learned this patience.
A Whole Year of… Decorating (Trusting the Process)
When I moved I didn’t have any real furniture. Legit the only furniture I had was a $20 card table from Family Dollar that came with four chairs, my 32 inch TV from college, hampers of clothes and a comforter.
My first night here I slept on the floor.
But it was my floor. I didn’t have to worry about anyone making me feel a way, I didn’t have to worry about things out of my control. This was my home and I was finally at peace with my living situation…
Then I started getting furniture. A few days later my air mattress came! Then a few weeks later I found my kitchen table on the Facebook Market for $40 (the couple who sold it to me was so nice, they even dismembered it and packed it in my car). A couple of weeks after that I ordered my bed and it didn’t even take a long time to put together. I got a mattress from Walmart and things were looking up. At this point I had a table AND a bed. So I was pleased!
I wanted more furniture of course but after looking up the prices for things like a couch, chair and TV stand I got discouraged. I couldn’t afford all that at once. Like, at all. So I started Door Dashing to make more money. But I was burning myself out. Yeah the $80 two nights a week was cool, but these pieces were hundreds of dollars. I was going to have to deliver food way more than twice a week if I wanted that.
Then some little birdies poured into my cup. Two of my oldest and best friends, Carolyn and Jordan, came and visited me in late October. I never told them this, but I was nervous for them to come visit. My apartment was barely furnished and they were staying with me for the weekend. I didn’t even have bath towels for them and only one extra blanket. To say I felt like a weak bitch would be an understatement. But we went out and had the best time. The next day we spent quality time together and they really, truly and genuinely poured into my cup. A cup that may have looked happy and shiny on the outside, but was dry af and empty on the inside.
One thing Jordan poured in particular was Wayfair. She told me they sell home items and I could get my furniture from there. After telling her I couldn’t afford whatever they were selling (I just assumed they were expensive) she told me I could pay on it over time. She said she had done that before and it made things less stressful…
That same night they left, I felt so empowered. My cup was full. I was feeling positive. So guess what I did? I ordered all of my furniture. It all came so fast, like less than a week and I couldn’t believe it. I went from sleeping on the floor to now having things like a futon, a chair, a plant! Sometimes I still look around my apartment in awe. I remember when I had nothing. I remember when I was putting together each piece of furniture by myself. And now look… Crazy how things work out.
What’s even crazier is now I am blessed to receive two free items from Wayfair every month. Yes, every month! When I first ordered my furniture I loved it all so much I would leave reviews on the items. I’d add pictures and paragraphs to show how much I appreciated the items and service. These reviews helped other potential customers and now Wayfair has added me to their Tried & True team. With this I am able to pick two items a month from their site for free, all I have to do is leave one of my Jalyssa-like reviews. Crazy, right?! I literally just didn’t have anything. Now I’m getting stuff for free? God sure has a way of making up for what you once lacked, let me tell you!
A Whole Year of… Shopping (Responsibility)
If you follow me on social media or even read my blog posts you know, I’m cheap! I want a discount at all times! And even though that’s not a bad thing, I had to get to the root of that. Why was I being so cheap? Why did I feel like I had to be so strict with my budget and settle for Fruit Rounds knowing damn well I could afford Fruit Loops?
Well it was because I had bills. This was my first time paying real, big girl bills on my own. Rent. Car note. On top of groceries, gas and a list of other things that require money. So I deprived myself. Wasn’t no Walmart or Whole Foods, nah, only Aldi for me. And I had a strict budget, no more than $50.
I’m proud of my budgeting abilities but I must admit I was a bit excessive. I was so scared to get out of line with my budget. I was scared that if I spent an extra $5 on something I would somehow end up homeless. So treating myself wasn’t an option, I needed to be responsible.
But here we are, a year later, and by the grace of God and me relaxing on the finances tip… I’m here. Haven’t been homeless. I pay my bills on time and sometimes early. Some months I double up on payments and some months I use that extra money to treat myself. I am learning to not be so hard on myself, to actually enjoy life, and buy things or pay for experiences that make me happy. I can buy a fancy pair of gym shoes or go visit my homegirl in the A, and not feel guilty.
So here’s to a year of budgeting! I needed it. I needed to be strict with my finances so I could know how to financially survive on my own. But I also needed to learn how to ease up and treat myself. It all worked out so well. Now I can go and spend $60 at Aldi or $100 at Target and not feel guilty. Or I can take that extra money and put it in savings. Nothing is super intense and I can move how I please (Thank God). Plus what that one rapper say? Spend a check and get it right back? Lol hashtag trueeeee.
A Whole Year of… Pushing Through (Endurance)
And to my last mention, probably the deepest and hardest of them all… Ironically it required zero funds but the most amount of effort….
Me getting to know me.
Like I said, I never lived alone. Even in grad school I always had a friend over or a boo slide on me. I was never truly alone. But this year? Oh, I was forced to deal with my new reality. Whether I wanted to or not. I had to learn to sit in my thoughts. I had to learn how to deal with my emotions. I had to push through.
I struggled with things like eating (S/O To Food You the Realest). I had to break a cycle and soul tie (Breaking Up is Hard). I dealt with extreme anxiety (Anxious Auntie Chronicles) and even feeling depressed (Pour Into My Cup). These things were hard! I may write about them like they aren’t a big deal, but baby, let me tell you!
Everything, hell, most things, that glitter are not gold. But I wouldn’t have been able to push through if I weren’t alone. Imagine being depressed and too consumed in your relationship to defeat it? Imagine being as anxious and paranoid as I was, but burying those feelings because I have roommates who I can’t get that vulnerable with. Things truly happen how they are supposed to. I was supposed to live alone so I could not only experience these new realities, but so I could take the proper measures to push through them.
Now, I’m here. Happy being alone. Can eat soberly. Knowing when I feel down I can call my Mom, a family member or friend. But again, I wouldn’t have known this if I didn’t have those experiences….
In conclusion, it’s been a whole year already! Wow! I’m amazed. This time a year ago I was so sad. I didn’t want to leave my situation but the reality was I had to. I was nervous, scared, and in disbelief. But now, 365 days later, I’m happy, encouraged and proud. I can’t believe I’m even typing this right now. At my kitchen table, with hella lights on (did I mention all my utilities are included), about to prepare dinner like the true chef I am (check out Issa Meal for recipes).
A whole year later and I can’t help but thank God and to remember to always trust the process. It’s so important. I’m the same person who was just sleeping on the floor, no furniture, no nothing! I’m the same person who would get anxious if my total at Aldi went past $50. I’m the same person who would cuss like a sailor if I couldn’t find a park in under 5 minutes.
But now look! I’m here. Feeling better than before and knowing I can do anything I set my mind to. So here’s to a whole year of being in my home, my safe space, my peace palace, and adulting. I’m so happy things worked out how they were supposed to…
*sips wine cooler*