Say My Name, Say My Name.

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Fact about Beyoncé: she grew up with people pronouncing her name incorrectly. To the point where she would have to say, “it’s Beyoncé, like fiancé.” 

I heard her say this in one of her old interviews, you know, back when she used to talk to us.



But lucky for me, there is nothing that really rhymes with Jalyssa (Juh-Lee-Suh). 



Well, there’s Teresa and Batista, but the people be confused enough. So old me would usually just provide a nickname to make it easier for the challenged. 




But before we dive in, here’s a little backstory on me.




First things first, I’m black! And proud. I’m rooting for everybody black, when I’m watching commercials I’m looking to see if there are any blacks, and I live in Atlanta so I’m around blacks, alot. And I love it! After going to two predominately white institutions for college, it’s nothing like seeing and being around your own people *raises fist*



Speaking of being black, my family is too! And we got the nicknames to prove it. You got Ray Ray, BuBu, Geri, Bunny, Nina, Muscle, Lisa, Zee Bee, Bree, Q aka Boo Man, LoLo, Dyl, ZiZi, (and no I’m not making any of these up) ZoZo, Ja-Ja, and me, LeLe. 

I love that we all have nicknames, it adds character and a sense of personal touch to our relationships.





Growing up I never heard, “Jalyssa.” It was always Le or Lele.




Then, I went away to college and my nickname was JMoney. If we had class together, then I’d hear Jalyssa, but if we didn’t it was JMoney. And again, I liked it! Looking back it’s like yasss manifest that Ima have money for life, I receive it! And also it’s like kinda cute that I had a college nickname, one that when I catch up with people they still say. 






Then there’s my sorority line name: Tre Amiable. I am number three on the line so often times my ships would call me “Tre” pronounced “Trey.” Again, no biggie. I was proud to had made it to Delta Land, and if somebody wanted to call me by my line name I was perfectly fine with that.






Fast forward to my first job where I was interviewee #27. The guy was looking for a personal assistant. And like the true “Ima shoot my shot every time” kinda person I am, I told him if he hired me I could be his assistant and develop a marketing strategy for the company (they were fairly new and didn’t have any marketing plans). That pitch, this smile, my resume, and my bob (yes I had a bob at the time) won him over and I got the job. 






And my nickname there was Lisa.






Now, to be clear, they were black. And I wasn’t annoyed that I had an in-office nickname because 1) it kept people from mispronouncing my real name and 2) they were black. And in our culture, nicknames are a common thing. So I was cool with it.






Well after that, I got what I consider to be my first big girl, ‘get paid young n*gga, get paid’ job. I was working downtown Chicago, getting dressed up everyday, taking the train, living with my man… ya girl was out here flourishing, okay?!






And when I started that job I was like okay ain’t no more nicknames! It’s Jalyssa.






Well I might have thought that, but my coworkers did not. 






They couldn’t pronounce Jalyssa to save their lives. It was always Jalissa (you probably reading this like girl now how do you pronounce that?! But think of like, Melissa but “juh” in front). 

And if I remember correctly, this is the job where someone called me Joseline (now where they got Joseline from, I don’t know), and I’m sure there is where I got Jaleeseuh too (juh-lee-see-uh).




And at that time, admittedly, I was not the confident woman I am today. So I would never correct people. I was Jalissa, Joseline, Jaleeseuh, or whoever they wanted me to be. Sad to say, but I was just happy to be there. 






Quick sidenote, I have so much empathy for the old, insecure, don’t know my worth me. Cause girl, what you mean you was just happy to be there?! You earned your spot! No shade, but I was on a team of two, me and my marketing events planning coworker. We was getting cool, and soon enough she admitted that our boss was friends with a friend of a friend and that’s how she got the job. But me? I applied, I nailed the interviews, I had the experience, the two degrees, and I earned that position!





So I just think it’s sad that at a point in my life I was that girl who was just happy to be there and didn’t wanna ruffle any feathers. So if that’s currently you, male or female, I want to encourage you to remember who you are. Any position that you’re in, you earned it! And if even if you did get plugged, you’re maintaining it. And you should be proud of that, mkay?






But yeah, after being at that job for two years, them playing in my face with my name and my funds (if I wasn’t advocating for them to say my name right you already know I wasn’t advocating for better pay – but that’s a story for another day), I did what I usually do: shoot my shot.






And here’s how :) 






So boom. 






The company I was at wanted a new website and I was leading the charge. I was responsible for creating site maps, and wireframes, and mockups, etc. I was also responsible for presenting our plans to the local digital marketing agency to see if they would be a good fit to be our developers. 






I remember it like it was yesterday. Me and my coworker walked to their office, I had my manilla folder full of ideas and layouts and sketches, and we had a great time. It was like, we were all (except my coworker) speaking the same language.






It was going so well I remember chatting with my Mom the same day like, “omg it went amazing! I would lowkey loveeee to work for them one day.” 






And my Momma, being the business-savvy woman she is hit me with the “you should see if they’re hiring.” I was instantly omg noooo. I could never do that! Leave my current job after they gave me this great opportunity? (Again, with the “gave” girl they ain’t give you nothing you earned it! But again, we gon give old me some grace).






My Momma, again, business-savvy and a true Chicagoan hit me with the, “girl people do it all the time, they’ll be okay.”






So as shady as I thought this was, I reached out in an effort to shoot my shot.






And boom! That mf went in! They mentioned loving how “ballsy” I was to reach out and that they had been thinking about me since I left.






So again, if you’re reading this and are thinking of shooting your shot, this is yo SIGN! Closed mouths don’t get fed baby and I’m tryna eat! Lol. But okay, back to the story.






At this point, I was getting SHMONEY. Had left my man, got a new crib, was working from home, and decided I would go by, “Jay.”






Looking back, I just didn’t want any issues. This was another job that I was just happy to be at, so if I needed to shorten my name to not ruffle any feathers I would do that. I was the only black girl and I just didn’t want any problems... 






And I didn’t have any! But them people wore the hella outta that name. Everything was Jay this, and Jay that! I have to say, I got sick of hearing Jay, especially because that ain’t even my damn name.






But it was better than Jalissa, Joseline, or Juhleeseuh, so I went with it... Thinking that reducing my name to not ruffle any feathers would keep me in their good graces, would keep me advancing in the company, and would keep me with a job.






Not so much. 






Just like many companies in corporate America, they eventually played in my face (did me real dirty too) and I moved around on they ass!






More advice, and listen to this one real closely: if anybody, and I mean ANYBODY (momma, sister, daddy, job, lil boo, lil yeah yeah, WHOEVER) is playing in yo face, you have a CHOICE to move around. 






Now I ain’t gon hold you, moving around ain’t always easy. But it’s better than willingly getting played with, finessed, or taken advantage of. And that job was definitely playing me, so I moved the hell around. And I don’t regret it to this day! 






So boom, I got a new job! And this was my first job who had a little ‘color’ to em. It was a good nine black people! We used to have bi-weekly black people meetings and it felt like I was a part of the NAACP *raises fist *






Now this job (was paying) but it was also remote. And I don’t know if it was because it was other black people there, or if I had finally gotten some more workplace confidence, but I wanted to go by my real name: Jalyssa.






And yeah, the white people would still mess it up, but considering they hired other black people I didn’t think it was on no like, ‘we ain’t tryna learn her name because she black.’ I genuinely think they didn’t know how to say it.






And this is probably a great time to mention that the spelling of my name is UNIQUE * Beyoncé voice * .





Like, my Momma was really in her creativity bag with this one. Cause between the “y” and the back to back “s’s” I can see why somebody would be confused. So I’m not saying everybody who has ever said my name wrong is evil lol. But it is annoying when I tell you how to say my name, more than once, and you still get it wrong.






So at this new job I decided to do something "out of the box.” 






We used to use zoom, and you know with zoom you can edit your display name. So mine read “Jalyssa (Juh-Lee-Suh).” That way, before you attempt to pronounce it, you can sound it out in your head.






And guess what, it worked?! Not only was it a conversation starter, but other people (whites included) mentioned how they would always get their names mispronounced too, and how they were going to follow my lead and update their zoom names as well.






Then as word got around that the new girl was teaching people how to say her name, I got asked to be on a committee and we did an internal campaign called “Say My Name.” Where we spread knowledge on the importance of saying people’s names correctly and how it shows you respect them and the work that they do.


Looking back, let me find out I was in there making a change! I know that’s right! *raises fist *






But eventually I left that good paying job because they had me stressed the hell out! Hair falling out, ready to unalive myself, but they bout the only ones who really cared about saying my name right, so shout out to them. 






(Sidenote I know I just slid that “unalive” part in all willy nilly, but if you wanna hear more about that feel free to read this story called Lots to Unpack Here.)






So boom, I leave that job, and I’m unemployed for a couple months. Granted, I ain't have no bread but God always worked it out and I was able to pay my rent, keep food in the fridge, and enjoy my time off. And baby when I say it was niceeee.






That’s when I started TikTok’ing, going on daily walks, I was getting closer and closer to the Lord, and despite not having no money, life was good!






I was at peace and knew the right job would come soon. (Sidenote I see why unemployed people don’t be thirsty to get no job. I had a good time being jobless! And I had food stamps! …damn I miss those food stamps).







So after countless interviews, I snag one with these two men. They had a video production company here in Atlanta and were looking for a brand manager and producer.






We had the zoom interview, they had me do some homework assignment, and next it was time for me to meet the team in person. Ya know, to see if we’d ‘mesh.’






Well I may not have had no money, but I had way more confidence, so wasn’t no Lisa, no Jay, no Joseline, no none of that. My name is Jalyssa and yall gon call me as such.






So as I’m walking into the interview, I do what I typically do when I’m about to speak with someone who has seen my name on paper (but may not know how to pronounce it). I start by reaching out my hand to shake theirs, and follow up by saying, “Hi, I’m Jalyssa.”






This way, I have already said it. So now you know how to say it! This will keep me from having to correct you, and you from turning red because you feel embarrassed. Everybody wins!






Well as I go to do that, the CEO of the company I’m interviewing with beats me to the punch and says, “Hi Jalissa, we’re so excited to meet you.” 






Deep sigh…






Now in this moment, I got a decision to make.






I can either roll with “Jalissa” because I don’t want to ruffle any feathers and I need a J-O-B. Or I can stand on biness (Druski voice), remain true, and show these people early on that 1) I’m confident and 2) that’s not how you say my damn name!






Which one you think I did???







I shook his hand and said, “Hi, I’m excited to meet you too! And it’s Jalyssa.”






CAUSE BOOM! I ain’t scary no more! I know what it is, and I know what it ain’t! And it AIN’T “Jalissa.”






He turned red (I could tell he was a little embarrassed) and I just smiled.






Now if you know me in real life, if we went to school together, heck even if you only know me from the gram or TikTok, then you know, I’m actually a nice girl. Like, there ain’t nothing “stank” about me. My sorority line name is literally “Tre Amiable.” Amiable literally means: having or showing pleasant, good-natured personal qualities. So any time I do correct someone it’s less of an attitude thing and more of a THIS A REMINDER (Beyoncé in ‘Cozy’ voice).






Do you know the other man in my interview (the COO) gon say, “aw man, you know we aren’t really big on names around here.”






MFR WHAT?! So if your name is Jim you gon be cool with me calling you John??? Hell naw, you gon tell me your name is Jim.






And that, ladies and gentlemen, is when I realized they ain’t have no respect for me. It highkey started that day, and continued until I left. 






They didn’t give me the offer I wanted, they had me doing way more things than what was on the job description, and we just never really ‘meshed.’






But to be honest, I ain’t care too too much because I needed a job! Bills was due and the repo wasn’t bout to take my car! So I took the pay cut, went into the office everyday, only gave them about 35% of effort foreal (they ain’t deserve 50% and damn sure not 100%), but guess what I did do? 






Corrected them on my name every chance I could get. 






I remember the COO, the one who hit me with the “we ain’t really big on names around here” gon address me (in a group setting, mind you) and say “Jay… or Jalyssa? Do you really have a preference?” And I said, “yes, I prefer Jalyssa.” Cause boy if you don’t getcho!!






But yeah, needless to say I left that job after nine months and now I’m a marketing consultant 🙂






I ain’t gon say who I work for (since getting more into TikTok I’ve consciously left my employer’s name off LinkedIn) but just know they paying, I’m happy, and I ain’t stressed.






But occasionally, more times than not, these mfs will slip up and call me “Jalissa” too. 






And not occasionally, more like always, I correct them too. 



The pronunciation of my name is in my email signature, I join meetings instantly stating my name, and my Teams background literally has my pronunciation stamped on it (see below). 

Cause at the point I’m tired of them damn work nicknames! I don’t mind that my family calls me LeLe, I don’t mind that my college friends call me JMoney, I don’t mind when the dudes call me sexy! But I do mind when we are in a professional setting and my coworkers (who are not my friends) call me a nickname. This ain’t that, and I ain’t going, no more.





So as you can see, I am very passionate about my name. And you may be thinking like “damn sis, chill, you said it yourself the extra “s” and the “y” can throw people off.”






And you know what, you’re right, I did say that. And I can see how it can confuse people. So I had a conversation with somebody who helps me get down to the nitty gritty of my feelings each and every week.



My therapist, Daysha.






First of all let me just say, that’s my mfn girl! Like, if I get married I 100% want her there! She gon have a special seat and everything because my girl be looking out and getting me through (with the help of the Lord, of course).






So in our last session we got on my name and she asked me a series of questions. And just like in this story, I was hella passionate and lowkey sensitive about the mispronunciation of it. 






Then she asked me to think about when this sensitivity first started, and I instantly choked up…






Growing up, it was me and my sister. Yeah my daddy got fitty leven kids but we ain’t used to be with them, it was me, my sister, and my Momma. Cool.






Well sometimes when my Mom would be on the phone, or would be talking to other people in reference to me and my sister she would say, “Jasmine and them.” 






For example, “I’m about to take Jasmine and them to the mall.” Or “Jasmine and them are outta school Monday so we gon…” 






“Jasmine and them, Jasmine and them, Jasmine and them.”






And yes, I was “and them.”






One day, I couldn’t have been no more than 10 years old, I interrupted her and said, “Mom, I’m not ‘and them’.”






She brushed it off and said, “oh you know what I meant” and kept going with her conversation.






That was the first and last time I corrected my Mom on my name. And after that, I either got accustomed to “and them” or I just eventually tuned it out…







Now you may be thinking, if it was only two of yall, why would your Mom reference you as “and them” why not just say “Jalyssa?” 






Great question. A great question that I don’t know the answer to. 






But I do know that obviously she knows my name, she gave it to me. And I can say that eventually she did stop with the “and them” and we’ve even joked about me correcting her that one time, (that usually leads into a conversation about me always having had a ‘flip’ mouth since I was younger. But looking back, was it a ‘flip’ mouth or was I just advocating for myself? Hmmm.)








But what I do know, is that I am in great company when it comes to the name mispronunciations…




Beyoncé admitted to people saying her name incorrectly for years, Rihanna admitted that Americans say “Ree-awn-uh” when the correct pronunciation is like “Anna” so “Ree-Anna.”




Chrissy Tiegan’s last name is not pronounced “tee-gun” it’s actually “tie-gun.” But after a while she just let people roll with it.




And I’m sure there are countless more examples, celebrities or not, of people getting their names mispronounced daily. And although it would be so much easier to go by “Le” or “Lisa” I really just want to go by my name… Jalyssa (Juh-Lee-Suh)...





I will admit though, sometimes when I find myself getting annoyed with the butchering of my name, I often think of Beyoncé, and how I’m sure the same people who used to get her name wrong definitely know it now! 





And I believe that for me too. Whether my name is going to be in lights, or signing off on checks, or both, I believe people will one day finally learn how to say my name.



And if you have this struggle I wish the same for you too…




Hey Siri! Play ‘Say My Name’ by Destiny’s Child 😎

Til next time, peace.

@Jalyssa_Doubleu